Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Why is Darth Vader called "Darth Vader"? Because "Master Vader" just sounds wrong.

   The Olympics dont matter no one will talk About It After a week

   Damn it, we're men. It's our god-given right to watch sports and smut.

   she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."

   Wondering if film directors wake up screaming"CUT! CUT! CUUUUUT!" when they have nightmares?

   If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

   Anybody have a treadmill for sale? My closet is full and I need somewhere else to hang my clothes.

   Omg!! I hate waiting in lines. I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect.

   I saw a sign that said "falling rocks", so I tried and it doesn’t.

   Sometimes I use big words that I don’t fully understand in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.

   The moon is so red tonight......oh wait my eyes are just blood shot....

   People shouldn't be judged by who they date, what skin color they are, and etc..If they are happy together, then let them live their lives..

   what is the differance between a black guy and a large pizza?? a large pizza can feed a family!

   The difference between people with tattoos and those without is, people with tattoos don't judge those without...

   "Betty Crocker rocks out with her crock out." That one's a freebie, General Mills. Hit me up.

   To the woman who long ago decided she'd just put a pen*s in her mouth for the fun of it, your application for sainthood has been filed.

   What bothers me most about liberal women, is that none of them are hot enough to be this stupid.

   thinks there should be a Shart Week!

   ..just watched a DVD that was 3.142 stars out of 5. It was a pi rated movie.

   I still can't believe I got her to do that on a first date! ;0)