Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Do you think Ken ever got mad because Barbie's knees don't bend?

   The Black Eyed Peas are to music what actual black-eyed peas are to music

   If I ever catch my girl in the act of cheating I hope homeboy can sing so we can have one of them mr.biggs and r Kelly scenes...

   Probably didnt think through the whole yelling at my boss 'Youre not the boss of me, Bruce Springsteen is.'

   Life is a b!tch, and Monday's its son..

   Nobody is calling you man...TAKE THE FN BLUETOOTH OUT OF UR EAR

   So when a girl Poke$ me on fb, is it like a $trap on or something?

   Before I post a joke on twitter I tell it to my windmill... He is a HUGE fan.

   Spike Lee must have planted that extra passport and assets on George Zimmermen!!!

   Am I the only one when they heard about the hand & foot delivered to Ottawa I thought " that's sick!" But when the other set arrived in Vancouver 10 days later I thought "Wow, Canada Post Sucks!"

   "Hahaha, nice!" = "I'd like you to stop talking to me now."

   My Cunning plan: 1. Go to the elephant house in the zoo... 2. Shout IS NOBODY GOING TO TALK ABOUT THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM?.. 3. Elephant high-five

   I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbor said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.'

   Fat, single and ready for a pringle!!!

   Okay all of Facebook, here goes the beginning of two more days about who died in Hollywood. Yes, we all want to know, everyone at once. BEGIN!

   Since I've never been married I like to refer my Wife Beater simply as a Peter Beater instead.

   A modern artist is one who throws paint on canvas, wipes it off with a cloth and sells the cloth.

   thinks nanotechnology is going to be huge.

   defying gravity, NOTHING can bring him down

   My opponent Cindy wants to kill you and your family... the 3 good things about her though is 1) She has nice hair 2) She has a nice smile 3) She likes the outdoors