Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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sales of gillete razors gone dwn, I bet you thierry henry's had a hand in that 
filthy,stinking rich. Well,two out of three ain't bad.
Everytime I think I'm going to get some pie, the bakery closes early.
Today, I'm hosting a jousting tournament for ALL kids in the neighborhood! All you need is: $10 (entry fee), a bike, and a broom OR mop!
keeps a fake journal claiming she's done monumental stuff, so if she ever develops amnesia, she's gonna think she's freakin' AWESOME!
wonders what the guys from Color Me Badd are doing nowadays because I need a new roof.
If I sat down for 10 seconds with a pad and pen, I could totally write a song for Yo Gabba Gabba!
conducting a test of the emergency Facebook system. If this had been an actual emergency, then you need help because who looks at Facebook during an emergency?
in the mood to watch some Disney movies!
less than a God, but more than a man.
looking for a leprechaun. I've already shook down all the midgets and short people I know. Guess it takes a real leprechaun to get to that pot of gold.
..thinks you look fabulous! Who did it and how much?
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY! May your day be filled with joy and love. Then tomorrow you can go back to hating each other's guts!
Surprise n shock as A KILLER whale kills a highly trained animal trainer! Duh! killer!
Sometimes it's just easier to pay someone else than to try to do it yourself… especially when that something is Proctology.
If at first you don't succeed, dispose of the witnesses and say you did...
At the Halloween store: the "Slutty Frankenstein" costumes aren't flying off the shelves.
When someone "pokes" you, I wish you could respond with a "stab directly in the heart"
Has anyone else noticed that mirrors look really sexy? Or is it just her?
waiting for the global warming people to push for the abolishment of the two utensil system by legislating the mandantory use of the spork to cut down on green house emmissions...it could happen! 