Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Obama went to India, Indonesia, South Korea... and still hasn't found the birth certificate??

   To the tune of the Folgers coffee commercial: The best part of waking up, is no tweets from Donald Trump.

   The press can try to shove all that bIack BS down our throats all they want, but we're not swallowing any of it.

   I carry a magnum sized condom in my purse like a modern day glass slipper.... some day my prince will come

   in your garden, peeing on your tomatoes...

   Just put a deposit down on a brand new Porsche and mentioned it on Facebook. I said, "I can't wait for the new 911 to arrive!" Next thing I know 4,000 F'in Muslims tried to ad me as a friend!

   guesses Chris Brown sure taught Rihanna how to breathe with "no air"

   "childish. No he's not, yes he is, no he's not, yes he is."

   knew the aliens would let him go sometime.

   Obamacare ~~ It's the healthcare 9 out of 10 illegal aliens recommend the most!

   when one person suffers from a delusion it is called insanity. When many people suffer from a delusion it is called religion.

   Just held the door for an Asian guy. He said "Sank you" so I punched him in the face. I can't believe he brought up Pearl Harbor like that!

   I can't believe I'm eagerly waiting to hear Obama speak and tell me something other than his resignation.

   My dad said he couldn’t get into Game of Thrones because he doesn’t like fantasy so I asked him when he was going to stop watching CNN News.

   So Amanda Knox kills an innocent girl and she is now a media darling just because she spent a couple of years in an Italian jail. Whats wrong with this world really?

   Question for the Christian folks...When Moses parted the red sea, did he say anything? Like Ta-Daaaaaa!!!

   just told my kids about the Casey Anthiny verdict and that if they didn't shape up I was moving the family to Florida

   Justin Bieber was shot last night!!! Well, on an episode of CSI. If only art could imitate real life for once, this would be the time!

   I'd be more willing to join Farmville if they let me grow weed, and sell it to Mafia Wars...

   Just think, had the Indians given the Pigrim's a donkey instead of a turkey, we'd all be getting a piece of ASS today instead of some damn bird!