Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Everything happens for a reason & sometimes it's better for us not to know that reason.

   Tone Loc arrested for domestic violence, he shouldn't of drank that Funky Cold Medina!

   It's normal to have a breakfast chat alone in your kitchen with the ghost of Nell Carter, right?

   Melania has responded: "These accusations of plagiarism are not only hurtful to me, but are hurtful to my children Sasha and Malia"

   How does Hillary get soooo much JUNK in her TRUNK you ask?? She steals it duh.

   Rush Limbaugh who called hurricane Irma a hoax, has evacuated his florida residence. Now why would he do that if Irma is a hoax?

   The current Employee shortage is so bad that Long Haired Freaky People can now apply.

   Of course NY has the most cases of Covid-19. It has the most m0r0ns.

   I think I'm gonna go hit the sack,,,, and then maybe go to bed

   Jason Collins said coming out of the closet would been a lot easier if his closet wasn't so FABULOUS!

   I think if I ever win the lottery I'm gonna get all my ex girlfriends incorporated into a life size whack-a-mole game.

   "WARNING"..This Status may be copied for quality and training purposes

   Cougars: The younger women may have the energy, but they have the experience.

   i should change my name to "period"....all the women seem to hate me

   I just got a new weed whacker today, And you could say,,,,,, (removes sunglasses) It's got, "Cutting hedge technology."

   My girlfrand said she bought the lingerie for me, but then got upset when I put it on. I don't get women.

   I just ran over a dog. At first I felt bad but then I realized it was my ex.

   I think one of the greatest regrets I'm going to have later on in life is that I've never participated in a Harlem Shake video...

   AACK! I just realized that I'm still "it" from a game of tag in 1996. Ohhhh it is ON!

   Just discovered that one sock in my favorite pair of socks has a hole in it.....I really don't think I can go on with my day now.