Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   leaving your mouth with a great clean feeling

   Wow... over 500,000 people attended Obama's Inauguration today.. and only 7 missed work

   " OMG ... I would kill for another Nobel Peace Prize. " Barack Obama

   I am still voting for Trump!!!!!

   What's the difference between a pizza and a black man? The pizza can feed a family of four.

   if you're too lazy to get a photo ID maybe you shouldn't be voting anyway...

   If he makes you laugh, kisses your forehead, says hes sorry, makes an effort, holds your hand, attempts to understand you. Hes totally cheating on you.

   How many Mexicans does it take to knock out Pacquiao.........JUST JUAN

   I don't do drugs. I just smoke weed.

   |\\//\\//\\//\\| <-- <y best attempt at creating a piece of virtual bacon for you

   men think about sex every 7 seconds, which is the exact reason I eat hotdogs in under 6 seconds...So it doesn't get weird

   Jeeziz. Three hours sleep. Where's Casey Anthony with the chloroform when you need her?

   Marriage is Love, yet love is blind....Does that mean marriage is an institution for the blind???

   The coolest part of the Bible is where one couple somehow populates the world by having kids from every race and ethnicity.

   When I see names carved into a tree I don’t think it’s cute, I just think its strange how many people take knives on a date.

   (o)(o) + $$ = ( o )( o )

   Just remembered I still have a game of hide and seek going on from the forth grade... I hope he's okay!?

   Only 364 shopping days 'til Christmas!!

   Man cannot live by bread alone. He also needs head.

   If MTV's "Jersey Shore" cast had any class or dignity, they'd give back a few millions to the place that needs it most and made them so famous over the years- Just saying.