Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I don't do drugs. I just smoke weed.

   |\\//\\//\\//\\| <-- <y best attempt at creating a piece of virtual bacon for you

   men think about sex every 7 seconds, which is the exact reason I eat hotdogs in under 6 seconds...So it doesn't get weird

   Jeeziz. Three hours sleep. Where's Casey Anthony with the chloroform when you need her?

   Marriage is Love, yet love is blind....Does that mean marriage is an institution for the blind???

   The coolest part of the Bible is where one couple somehow populates the world by having kids from every race and ethnicity.

   When I see names carved into a tree I don’t think it’s cute, I just think its strange how many people take knives on a date.

   (o)(o) + $$ = ( o )( o )

   Just remembered I still have a game of hide and seek going on from the forth grade... I hope he's okay!?

   Only 364 shopping days 'til Christmas!!

   Man cannot live by bread alone. He also needs head.

   If MTV's "Jersey Shore" cast had any class or dignity, they'd give back a few millions to the place that needs it most and made them so famous over the years- Just saying.

   My cousin told me he was gay today. What an idiot, coming out in weather like this.

   I'm so hungry I could eat a Sarah Jessica Parker

   The only differance between slavery and modern day is that now they don't have too work for their keep

   Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery's dead??

   An elementary school in California is being named after Michelle Obama. It's obvious that the school's mascot will be Chewbacca.

   FACT: 10 out of 10 people will eventually die.. Probably not a bad idea to give Jesus a try... Just saying

   Can't believe I forgot my wife was on her period. Boy is my face red.

   *Buys a 3D printer... *With the 3D printer, prints a 3D printer... *Returns the origional 3D printer