Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
that was a sweet lifeguard job till the stupid blue kid got me fired. 
WTF....Its rains cats and dogs and now birds! But not one single cougar or beaver!!!
wishes google maps had an "avoid ghetto" routing option
Wishes the protestors would occupy Iran, North Korea, & Syria, instead of Wall street
The only thing worse than a male chauvinist pig, is a militant feminist that can't cook and won't do as she is told.
Lady Gaga taught me its okay to be different. Ke$ha taught me to be myself and not care what anyone else thinks.Bruno Mars taught me to do anything for that one person I loveMost importantly, Rebecca Black taught me the days of the week.
I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart. Now what?
Being skinny with abs is like being fat with big boobs... doesn't count.
Fat chick posts a picture on Facebook* "Fresh out the shower (; " Me: "You spelled ocean wrong."
I'm having one of those days where my middle finger is answering all my questions.
When my atheist friend pisses me off, I tell him to Go to Heaven!!
Star Wars fans never get laid because they're looking for love in Alderaan places.
Dr. House would’ve solved this covid crap in 20 minutes flat.
Here's a fun math trick. Let's start with the number 100. Now take your age. If you believe anything that QAnon spews, subtract your age from 100. You now have your IQ.
Religion will never reform or save mankind because Religion is a form of slavery.
It's so cold out... the guy at Super America has a towel on his head.
When I'm grilling a stake, the smell of the juices makes my mouth water. Wonder if that happens when a vegan mows their lawn.
Modern technology now has a camera with a shutter speed so fast, it can capture an image of a woman with her mouth shut.
My friend Sierra tried to throw her empty soda can in the trash. Unfortunately, Sierra Mist.
The blow up doll guy! You can tell jokes about anything you know? Though Trump gags may get removed! 