Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Yesterday, President Obama played his 100th round of golf since taking office. You could tell it was Obama, because he finished about 14 trillion over par

   Some people think it's wrong I refer to a co-worker as "the little abortion that got away."

   its official, I'm old. I sat down to use the bathroom this morning and teabaged the toilet water!!

   I wonder if Edward Cullen's Load looks like glitter glue??

   I mustache you a question, but I'll shave it for later.

   Have you ever noticed that the only people who wear jogging suits are well over 200 pounds and obviously never jog — unless a buffet is in sight?

   You know what you don't see alot of? Black North Face jackets. It's like nobody owns one.

   It's a genius way to get re-elected... everybody else drops gas prices, but our boy OBAMA drops Osama... IN THE OCEAN?... Yeah right!!!!!

   Relationships are like fat people most of them dont work out

   You know breast feeding a baby turtle is not as easy as they make it out to be!

   Hillary Clinton, so ugly that when she gives head it should be considered anal.

   You know what they say, once ya go black ..... you become a single parent

   Now who is holding up the stimulus checks. yep you guessed wicked witch of the East Capitol.

   Go to a fancy restaurant. Order the lobster. Order it alive. When it comes, order food for your new pet lobster. Then take lobster home.

   the Washington redskins should change their name to the foreskins, they could wear purple helmets

   ~ Creationisn: Because it's easier to read and believe one book than read several ones based on scientific fact.

   Obama is losing support from his own party. In fact Jimmy Carter just compared him to Jimmy Carter.

   With Oprah leaving TV, the sales of big screen TV's is sure to drop.

   i'll be burger king and you'll be mcdonalds...ill be doing it my way and you'll be lovin it

   Click "Like" if you're for team Zimmerman. Click "Unfriend" if you're for team Martin.