Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   i just worked out. well, I just did push ups. well, 1 push up. well, I tripped and got back up. well, I'm actually still laying here. *takes a nap*

   Oops, It slipped, wrong hole! But since I'm already here..... - MEN

   I couldn't afford to visit the zoo, so I went to the trailer park instead.

   Alcoholism is a progressive degenerative disease, or in lamens terms, "the afteraffect of marriage."

   went in to Zoomers tonight for a pack of gum and the clerk asked if I had gas? I told her I did earlier but I was feeling fine now. Some people do not have a sense of humor

   Here's a little bit of good news. The Coast Guard says that BP is now catching up to 630,000 gallons of oil a day. The bad news is that they're capturing it with ducks.

   Unfortunately, there is no vaccine against stupidity...

   No outfit is complete without a few dog hairs :)

   Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.

   For Sale: Lots of snow, you Haul!!!

   What do you mean life is to short?... Its the longest bloody thing you could ever go through!

   They say that three out of four Americans have a mental illness of some kind. Look at three of your friends. If they seem okay,then you're that person.

   Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same

   for people who think an invisible object cant kill you try hitting and invisible block on mario bros

   When people I don't know ask me what I do for a living I shout "Karma," and punch them before running away.

   before lady Di, I never heard of Paparazzi.., I thought it was a circus act or something

   I'm Your Huckleberry

   Love is like a soccer ball, everybody runs to have that ball, and when they have it they kick it away..

   I'm a homophobophobe. Seriously, those bigots scare the heck out of me.

   America is getting up there in age, but i'd still do her. God Bless America!