Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   When Jesus was getting crucified, I wonder if he thought --- "I bet this will look good on a necklace one day."

   So I walked into a bar... ...and who do I see sitting next to me but 50 Cent, and he's knitting a sweater... So I yelled to him, Gee you knit?

   For Halloween, I'm going to wear a Pacman suit and chase all the Muslim women in burqas around the town centre.

   Obama to continue going it alone. Thats good, because I dont think anyone is following him anymore...

   trying to wipe with plastic wrap.

   Nancy Pelosi quoting bible scripture about dignity and worth of every person.....Thats Classic from a woman that is a voice for abortion.

   I came into this world covered in someone else's blood and screaming. I'm not afraid to leave it that way too.

   Which one of you ladies wants to be my next mistake?

   Oh so you're a model? Who's your agent, Instagram?

   It doesn't matter how old we are, from a young child to an adult. When your parents praise you about something, even if it may be the smallest of things, it always makes me smile, realizing I have made them proud in some way.

   The early worm gets the bird. ┌∩┐(◕_◕)┌∩┐

   Recycling old ones doesn't make them good, or original... AC... and everyone else posting unoriginal stuff. Now run along, before I get deleted for this one, while your recycled crap stays. Cheers :)

   Smoked a bag of weed and ate some Mexican food and now I've got a bad case of the sh!ts and giggles.

   So when do we start calling this the Second Great Depression?

   What if born on planet earth is being sent to hell from another planet?

   When women wear makeup they're basically lying to us.

   When someone tries to hand me a baby, I say, "No, thanks. I'm a vegetarian..."

   If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

   Doin the same thing I do every night...Try to take over the world!

   I stoped stabing people in the back years ago... now I stab them right in the face...