Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Maybe nobody loves you because you're boring and needy. Calm down, I said maybe.

   Late every Sunday night, all other the stores in the mall go and tell Radio Shack not to worry about what other people think, they still love him

   THE POWER OF THE WINKY FACE: We need whipped cream. We need whipped cream ;)

   Here's a crazy concept, maybe I'm not in a bad mood, angry, or a douchebag. Maybe I said it because it's true and I meant it. Marinate on that.

   Meatless lasagna goes real well with a double cheeseburger.

   If you're going to be stupid, don't do it on Facebook.

   Right hand green, Left foot blue, Left hand red. RIP Chuck Foley. The inventer of TWISTER

   The fishin was so bad the mosquitos weren't even biting

   Hey douche, how about I chop off your hands so you can really make the most out of your bluetooth headset?

   Don't litter your chaos and drama all over other people's lives.

   You may think it's bad grammar but I assure you it's just laziness.

   I hate when I wake up alone, naked with a kitty stamp in my hand.

   I think people who use "go fly a kite" as an insult don't really understand kites or insults.

   Some of you make me jealous. You have hours to devote to people you hate and I barely have time for people I adore.

   Making it rain on a stripper was just one in a handful of fiscally irresponsible decisions I've made in 2012. Gotta tighten up in '13.

   I trust an Instgram photo about as much as I trust those attorneys that advertise during soap operas...

   If you’re not getting laid on a regular basis, Facebook is not going to solve the problem. If anything its going to make it worse.

   Making moral decisions based on money will leave you emotionally poor.

   why the s hitty, blurry picture? Take another one! It's not like it took 3 days to get them developed...

   this year, I'm giving out pizza delivery coupons. Who wouldn't want a free 2 liter or 2 mediums for the price of one??