Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   "I wanted to watch football on NBC but this figure skating they're showing is cool too". --said no one ever

   To err is human... To not know what err means is American.

   after thanksgiving I'm more stuffed then a 12 girl's bra at a justin bebier concert.

   When I die I'm gonna become a ghost & watch attractive people shower.

   The hookers in NY are now offering a "Tebow" special. For an extra $50, you get to experience a second coming.

   When I was a kid, I used to close the fridge door slowly just to see when the light turned off.

   What is invisible and smells like bananas? Monkey Farts.

   You don't know the difference between "your" and "you're?" It's the difference between knowing your sh!t and knowing you're shi!.

   TWILIGHT: Happy Bella- •_• Sad Bella- •_• Excited Bella- •_• Angry Bella- •_• Shocked Bella- •_• Confused Bella- •_•

   If you put a finger in your ear and scratch, it sounds like Pacman.

   CNN: The most "rusted name in news".

   Life's short... Find someone to spend it with

   We have all imagined walking away from an explosion in slow motion while putting sunglasses on.

   “Can I use your phone to call my mom?” “Yeah, just hit redial…

   There's no b, c, d, f, g, h, j, k, l, n, o, p, q, r, s, u, v, w, x, y, or z in team either.

   living in a van down by the river!

   Come on guys and gals!!! There are people who visit every day who rely on us!!!

   Justin Beiber on the CMT's is like Rosa Parks at a Klan rally!!

   I line Dance just so I can kick people and get away with it

   Daffy Duck has invaded Libya and wil now be known as General K'Daffy