Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   so vein he probably thinks this status is about him

   Obama is like a penny.....2 sided and pretty much worthless

   throwing peanuts at old ladies

   Dear theist, Atheists don't care who you pray to. Just keep it to yourselves and out of schools and government. =)

   I'll take the mormon over the moron.

   has 99 problems don't become the 100th one

   There is a new strain of Marijuana on the market now. It is called "The Obama". It is very expensive, powerful, and does not do anything

   Welcome to the Dark Side,we have..........food stamps.

   Biggest lie ever: "I have read the terms of conditions"

   N*gger is now the white man's kryptonite

   I saw a U.F.O at a football game the other night. It was just hangin there! And then it sent me a message,in big bright shiny letters. It told me I was gonna have a good year.

   I'm much more bothered by what Hillary has DONE than by what Trump has Said!

   Of all the things I pictured happening to me today, accidentally giving myself a facial while m@turb@ting was no where on that list.

   I don't understand some people. It's Black Friday. I just passed a black family at Costco. I shook the father's hand and wished them all a Happy Holiday. The father asked me what's wrong with me.

   rated E for everyone.

   BREAKING NEWS: Two cars had an accident in Mexico. 40 people died

   Happy 11 White History Months

   I go to a Weight Watchers meeting. I dump out a carton of Whoppers malted Milk Balls on the floor. The next thing you know, I'm watching a live version of the Hungry Hungry Hippos game.

   State of the Union Drinking Game: Take a shot every time Obama says, "Let me be clear" or "Make no mistake" ...Have an ambulance standing by.

   Bibles arent allowed in schools anymore but are encouraged in prisons. If kids were allowed to read it at school, they may not end up in pison.