Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
" For It was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul. It was not my hand you held but my love. " 
If adam and eve weree only people god made Wouldn't that mean we are all related?
going to the dark side...they have candy
I'm glad I have work today. Who wants to celebrate Presidents' Day with this dude in office? In any case, happy bday month to George and Abe. You guys were pretty awesome.
How great would it be if Justin Bieber and all of the Kardashians started flying on Malaysian Airlines?
My GPS says "Estimated time of Arrival." I see "Time to Beat." Game on.
You can't fight terro0rism with patience." You fight illiterate-ignora-nt-reci-.sists, "by going in there and killing them. Every. Last. One of them."
I would go to Hell but Satan has that restraining order
(̅_̅_̅_̅(̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅̅_̅()ڪے~ ~ Is Bad For Your Health
When I get rich the first thing I'm going to do is to buy a new butt, because the one I have now has a crack in it.
so I guess it's officially ok now, when you use a condom, to refer to it as "the pope hat"
My anaconda dont want none unless you got buns hun
Do I need to show proof of vaccination to get my free crack pipe?
Too F#CKED up how much of the population has been dumb down to march for rights you already have ! ! !
Madonna was offering blowjobs to men for their vote for Hillary. I took the blow job and still voted for Trump. . .
Hey homeless guy, quick tip: don’t panhandle outside the 99 Cent Store, we’re not that far from you.
The Pope just wanted to prove he was a good Catholic by pulling out before finishing the job.
I hate when you're caught stalking in a tree outside someone's window so you freeze like a squirrel, and they're all like "I can still see you."
Some people go to work just because there haven't left any people at home and their neighbourhood to bother them except at office.
before the letters FDNY became a fashion statement on hats, it was worn on the back of brave dudes with mustaches, NEVER FORGET 9/11 