Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Dont Drink and Ebay.. you'll surely get bankrupt

   Dear Mark Zuckerberg: Weren't you doing just fine without the irritating banner ads?

   California is suspending executions due to lethal drug shortage. Someone should talk to Texas. I bet they're storing their surplus in caves.

   about the time we make ends meet, someone moves the ends.

   there are no shortcuts to any place worth going...

   thinks that there's gotta be a Heaven, cause I've already done my time in Hell.

   when you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likely turned your back on the world.

   never works on computers for free. I may or may not install well hidden software packages that harvest your emails, passwords and keystrokes. The odds of that happening are directly proportional to how much cash you pay. Cash or gossip, you pay.

   Why did some make a 'Piñata Endangerment Awareness' group on facebook??

   I have serious communication problems with vegetarians: they consider "food" something I consider only a pleasant interlude between a food and another food. I have problems, but at least I try; with abstainers is better not even try.

   Virginity is like a soapbubble, one prick and it is gone.

   3 YEARS OF THERAPY ....GONE ....in 60 sec

   Some people hear their own inner voices with great clearness and they live by what they hear. Such people become crazy, or they become legends."

   I think my OCD is getting worse. Did I hit post? Wait a minute, did I even type it yet? I'm pretty sure I hit post but am not sure. Yeah, I did. Well, maybe I didn't. I better double-check. Yeah, I did. No, I didn't. Dang!!! What was I going to post again

   my son Xander (5) got in trouble and sent to his room. He comes out a few minutes later and tried to bribe me into letting him out by give me a $1 bill. A lesser man would have succombed I tell you.....

   is thinking whether to open facebook or textbook......wonder what`s he gonna do..

   you can polish a turd but it will always be a piece of sh*t

   BREAKING NEWS: Philip Morris teams up with TSA to offer free cigarette after clearing airport security. (̅_̅_̅_̅(̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅̅_̅()ڪے~ ~

   noticed a recent increase in former girlfriends on FB that are now married. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for them. But with the divorce rate in this country I should be getting some nice rebound sex sooner rather than later.

   I was excited to bring home my Xmas Tree but I didn't have the heart to tell it I'd be leaving it in the street for dead in just a few weeks.