Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
5 out of 3 people struggle with Maths. 
I just farted real loud, and my car alarm went off.... Some guy is stealing my car but I wanted you guys to know about my fart.. Be right back.
If you win the $1.3 billion powerball, remember the little people. No seriously, remember the midgets, they probably couldn't reach the counter to order tickets
Cruz had 5 mistresses? Were they alive?
Well, well, well...look who's crawling back, asking me to repair the axle on their wheelchair.
I like clothing that has little hidden pockets. It's like they made it knowing I was going to put my weed in there.
BREAKING: DNA evidence clears curiosity, cat murderer still at large.
All I wanted for Xmas was for the pirate bay website to come back. Is that too much to ask?
You have just begun reading the sentence you have just finished reading.
[WIFE] I'm going to fold your laundry so hard. [ME] You think you can handle one more load? - Laundry Sext
Do you, Karen, take David the Optometrist to be your lawfully wedded husband, for better or worse? Better... or worse?... How about now?,,, Better... or worse?
The women's USA Olympic hockey team pucked up.
I bet at least half the guys who get struck by lightning's last thoughts were, "Holy Crap, am I a Highlander?"
Note to self: Don't photobomb someone getting a mammogram
Lightning is like God's way of saying "Get out of that tree you pervert!"
RESEARCH: Bilderberg, Bohemian Grove, Club of Rome, Committee of 300, Skull and Bones Society, HAARP, Chemtrails, Project Bluebeam, Georgia Guidestones
Apparently it's Monday today and it's sunny outside. Thanks everyone for that invaluable piece of information
Somewhere in the world is a woman named Rosetta Stone, and her husband still has no clue what the hell she's talking about.
Men have nuts and women are nuts. God is so silly...
Sometimes your the windshield sometimes your the bug, but every now and then ya get to be a big effin rock and smash that windshield!! 