Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   just seen a man wearing pinki capri's, must be a foreigner..

   Im not random...you just cant think as fast as me! :)

   a certain sign of who will wear the pants suit in your marriage is when the wedding reception has a Vegan menu and a gluten-free cake!

   Somehow, going into The Dollar Store and asking for a price check just never gets old.

   A study finds that most US currency is laced with cocaine. In fact, most dollar bills have a street value of $1.07.

   You can safely assume that you've created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do.

   Just realised something; all my role models, idols and people I look upto were all on drugs!! :p

   Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate a&& who owns this phone. Thanks :)

   the Pill, something that prevents women from becoming mothers turns 50 on Mother's Day. Coincidence??

   Mother's Day Warning: You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

   saw a commercial for the United In Rock Tour (Styx, Foreigner, Kansas) and I thought to myself "I hope they don't play in Arizona...because Foreigner would be screwed."

   People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world"

   Before an argument with your wife/girlfriend, they should read you your Miranda rights........because whatever you say WILL be used against you.

   On Gilligan's Island, how did Ginger have so many different outfits when they were only going on a 3 hour tour?

   If you are innocent until proven guilty, they why are you arrested and sent to jail before your trial?

   They should really outlaw cursive handwriting nowadays. Especially for the ones who can't spell.

   Dont kill yourself to LIVE!!!

   a woman of many moods...and they all require chocolate

   Welcome to psychoville...!!!!!!!!!!!

   Recent surveys show 3 out of 10 men have a problem with premature ejaculation. The rest just didn't really think it was a problem!