Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I swear I am tired of Hearing SOME Females be like: I am mixed with Black, Dominican, White and Indian. Shut your Ass up you are sounding like a damn science experiment to me.

   I'm surprised the whiny P.C. police haven't protested "A Christmas Story" yet; after all, it's about a boy who wants a gun for Xmas.

   Not feeling smart today? Just remember there are grown adults who actually still actually believe Hillary Clinton.

   Church last night talked about Jesus turning water into wine. Reminds me of when I saw some of you turn entire student loans into beer

   remove money from a relationship and see if it still stands.

   There any women out here looking to $exually abuse a grown man. Asking for a friend. . .

   “You wore that before” yea because it’s my shirt and I have a washing machine!

   When a guy says he wants to get to know you, he means he wants to get to know your boobs.

   Some days I can't get my earbuds in far enough.

   "I don't feel good." -James Brown's last words.

   Woooooo whoooo!! Just got an email from mark zuckerberg's secratarty stating that I just won 4.5mill all they need is 3k from me to release the funds, just sent them my banking info , Aruba here I come!!! suckkkerrsss!!

   I drank too much over the holidays. I was at the doctor's yesterday and gave a urine sample. It had an olive in it.

   I’m going to Hell. Anybody want anything?

   Where are all these beautiful singles in my area that want to meet me. I keep getting a popup with photo's of several ladies, However I have never noticed them at wal-mart, the grocery store, church, or anywhere around here. I Think this may be a scam!!

   The Touch, the Feel of Lindsay Lohan; the crackhead of our lives

   Sex is like the Star Wars trilogy... there's an invasion, penetration, an explosion and in the end everyone's happy.

   So tell me, how DO you keep up with all your lies?

   Where do you go if you're addicted to rehab?

   When people ask me if I have any spare change, I tell them, 'I have it at home in my spare wallet

   I miss the simplicity of 90s.. I also miss the fact that artists in the 90s actually got "talent".