Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   You got your reparations. From our taxes paying for your food stamps, section 8 housing and free school lunches.

   Justin Bieber's parents must be so proud of her

   it takes a carter to get a reagan

   I had a terrible dream last night. I was a baby and Dolly Parton was my mom and she bottle fed me.

   If Al Gore is so concerned about the bloody envorniment why does he write so many books......I guess it's ok to use trees and paper if you are making money off them.....envorinmentalists ....DON'T BELIEVE THE HYPE

   .as the Pope visits us here in the U.K.,i ask myself "If Catholics say God looks down on homosexuality,what does He do when your Priests are messing with little boys? Whistle and turn the other way?"

   46 waits until Texas temps return to mid-70's before going to inspect the ice damage. #Putz

   Oh btw, if the Dems really cared about keeping families together, they would DROP their support for Planned Parenthood!

   From now on I will only use blue SOLO cups,because of that STUPID STUPID song.

   R.I.P tothe other passenger that no one caresabout because he wasn't famous.

   Taylor Lautner nake- oops...this isn't google.

   dislikes people who make fun of Brett Favre just because of his age. Basically all you're saying is "He's older then me, and still play's the game better then I ever will."

   has a friend who recently started a new business selling landmines that look like prayer mats... He says it's going really well - prophets are going through the roof...

   I was in the work canteen the other day and started shaking salt all over my chicken. My work colleague looked over and said, "Would you like some chicken to go with that salt?" I replied, "Would you like some laughter to go with that joke?"

   I'm sweating like Joe Biden around an unsupervised child

   My girlfriend is a retard, but she has nice boobs...so it evens out.

   Since today is Labor Day, I am dressing up as a union goon and beating up everyone with a different opinion from mine

   What I call morning wood, you're gonna call breakfast in bed.

   Have you heard about the Facebook that's just for women only? It's called a cookbook.

   My fart on the train today cleared the carriage faster than an Arab with a duffle bag!