Funny Status Messages



Sort:  Recent   |   Oldest   |   Rating
Filter On | Filter Off | No Trump


Search Messages:
Page: 1 of 5799

   messageicon With the ban on straws what's left to grasp?
←Rate | 08-17-2018 10:04 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Why is it called mooning when you're actually showing uranus?
←Rate | 08-17-2018 01:41 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon It takes raw talent to make sushi.
←Rate | 08-16-2018 21:19 by Haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you have a problem with me, call me and we'll talk about it. If you don't have my number then you don't know me well enough to have a problem with me.
←Rate | 08-17-2018 11:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I answered that Ancestry.com ad and asked for some information on my family tree. They sent me back a packet of seeds and suggested that I just start over. FML.
←Rate | 08-17-2018 10:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just found out that Ribbed Condoms DO NOT taste like ribs!!
←Rate | 08-17-2018 13:56 by CB Comments (0)  


   messageicon You never hear anything about the women from Nantucket. I wonder what they are like...
←Rate | 08-17-2018 13:38 by JohnY Comments (1)  


   messageicon Well that status message must not have been very funny as we can no longer locate it in the database.
←Rate | 08-17-2018 14:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A porta potty is a pretty safe place to fart
←Rate | 08-17-2018 16:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you work Security in a Samsung store does that make you a Guardian of the Galaxy?
←Rate | 08-07-2018 06:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why do speed walkers look like kids who are told not to run around the pool?
←Rate | 06-03-2018 14:11 by Jsabbage Comments (0)  


   messageicon Cleaning all the straws out of my glove box cause I would not want any straw sniffing dogs to find my stash!
←Rate | 08-07-2018 11:20 Comments (3)  


   messageicon People who read tabloids deserve to be lied to.
←Rate | 07-25-2018 21:12 Comments (2)  


   messageicon If you put the words "Let's see who reads this" at the beginning of your post it virtually guarantees that I won't.
←Rate | 08-08-2018 07:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was worried my notifications had stopped working but luckily I’m just unpopular.
←Rate | 04-10-2018 13:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The older I get, the less judgy I am of Norman Bates spending his life with a dead lady in a chair
←Rate | 06-22-2018 11:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "We are not even close." -Romans building Rome, end of first day.
←Rate | 05-04-2018 09:01 Comments (1)  


   messageicon My insurance company said if my tent is stolen while I'm camping, I won't be covered.
←Rate | 06-28-2018 11:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It doesn't matter if you're black or white, heterosexual or homosexual, man or woman because cats hate all of you.
←Rate | 07-26-2018 14:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon At first it was "Okay" and then "ok" and now "k" and soon it will disappear and you`ll all regret it
←Rate | 04-10-2018 05:43 Comments (0)  


Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left