Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   And the award for Best Whitney Houston Impression goes to....... Bobbi Kristina

   I liked The Hangover II more the first time I saw it. When it was called The Hangover.

   Eww... There's a little Bin Laden in my tuna sandwich!

   If ur freaky and you know clap ur hands (clap clap) if ur freaky and ya know it clap ur hands (clap clap) if ur freaky and ya know it and ya really wanna show it, pull ur pants down to the floor and do a dance!!!! Yay!!!!

   If a thief ever broke into my home, I'd just pretend to be a thief too... We'll laugh & hug and then he'll leave because I was there first.

   Divorce is very stressful/confusing for kids. Make sure to CLEARLY explain what they did to make you & your spouse split.

   Profile Pictures: Guys- (•_•) Girls- (°3°)

   God invented women and the next day he invented vodka cause he was like holy hell, sorry bro.

   n. 1: An intelligent individual. 2: One who writes dictionary definitions of himself in an effort to look intelligent.

   dyslexic with tourettes..bucking fastard..cupid stunt.. oh hole ass

   suggests wearing an INS badge to Home Depot if the checkout lines are too long.

   Its a beautiful day out. The sun is out, the birds are out and Ricky Martin is out

   Avoid being late, just don't show up!

   The grass may be greener on the other side, but you'll eventually have to mow it:)

   If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

   I wish I could chop off my fat with a knife, I would rather endure that than a workout!

   wants to know where in the rhyme it says Humpty Dumpty is an egg!

   I keep pictures of all of you in my wallet.

   The Deadliest Catch would be so much cooler if they'd plant a serial killer on each boat... ><(((((%>

   my wife cant wrestle but you should see her box.