Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The whole resurrecting from the dead thing is too hard for kids to grasp. Egg sh*tting bunny? Yeah lets go with the egg sh*tting bunny.

   It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt

   I dream of giving birth to a child who will ask "Mother,what was war?" -Eva Merriam.

   Poor people never, or hardly ever, ask for an explanation of all they have to put up with. They hate one another, and content themselves with that.

   So, if 2 dudes marry, who gets to be the ungrateful, spoiled b!tch??

   Hey, Coca-Cola! I don't know how to be "less white", but I do know how to drink less Coke.

   You need XX chromosomes to be a female of any species. Miss Spain has XY chromosomes which makes him a male. No surgery or cosmetics can change that fact.

   All gave some. Some gave all. One had bone spurs.

   I wanted to watch the Biggest Loser last night... I turned on the TV, and there he was...

   Everyone is telling Hitler jokes, but I do Nazi what's so funny. It's out of Mein Kampfort zone, Anne Frankly, I'm tired of it

   What's 6 inches and won't get sucked this Valentines Day? Whitney's crack pipe.

   Last night I slept for eight hours straight. Then two hours gay.

   A.D.D stands for Attention Deficite....hey look a butterfly!

   pre drinking for new years

   says "friends with benefits" sounds better than "f*ck buddies".

   watching you change! P.S(you don't look that great naked)

   If 4 out of 5 people suffer with diarrhea,does that one person enjoy it?

   hates when you r waiting 4 the bus & someone asks "has the bus come yet?" if the bus came, would I be standing here??????? Oh right here the f... bus

   I think the statistic that a man thinks about sex every 45 seconds is completely made up, and furthermore I find it insulting!!!.........................it's more like every 15 seconds......;-)

   When people nickname their child "Boo Boo" is that their way of saying their child was an accident?