Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I'm about to overdose on Christmas music...

   just wants to be someones "Dirty little secret!"

   A bisexual Is someone that likes Girls as much as the next Guy

   ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet

   Lohan now suing mozilla "FireFox" for alledged misuse of her other feisty alias "FireCrotch"

   fairly certain the only reason that so many stupid and obnoxious people are still alive is that murder's illegal

   Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.

   Death, bring back Kurt Cobain,Freddy Mercury,Bob marley,Jerry garcia,Jim Morrison (Doors),Jimmy Hendrix, John Lennon,Bradley Nowell,Shannon Hoon,Janis Joplin,Paul Gray(Slipknot),Tupac, BIggie Smalls,Big Pun, Eazy E. Take any1 from Pop radio in exchange

   Santa does not get milk and cookies at my house. Beer and pretzels it is. I figure after several million gulps of milk and enough cookies to cause a diabetic coma, a beer would be refreshing.

   pro gay marriage,can`t see any reason they should have it any easier

   's 2010 New Year's resolution is to re-enact the movie "The Hangover" in real life.

   Watching the college bowl games and I was thinking. If most of your players' helmets are completely covered in those stickers, maybe they're giving them away too freely. "Congratulations, you didn't s**t your pants today, here's a sticker"

   says its so cold today, that I just seen on the news that the fire department rushed to the strip club to pry 2 ladies from a pole.

   I'm sorry miss, but if you didn't want your melons squeezed than you shouldn't work in produce section.

   Life is a beach, I'm just playin' in the sand...

   Inflation and Financial crisis have become so critical and serious nowadays that majority of the men have started loving their own wife.

   Difference between promises and memories? We break promises, and our memories break us.

   The word is RUMORS dumbass, kinda like the ones we heard about you not being funny. Except that one turned out to be true.

   Dear Bruno Mars, dont die for that b*tch, obviously if someones throwing grenades at her she's involved in some illegal sh*t.

   Dear Air Traffic Contollers, It's not enought that the FAA has security patting down 6 year olds, but for the love of God, take a six pack of Red Bull in a cooler with you when you go to work at night. Sincerely, the public.