Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Apparently the phrase, "If you build it, they will come," doesnt apply to self constucted bedroom furniture from IKEA!

   Statistically speaking 6 out of 7 dwarfs are not happy!

   Heard Rupert Murdoch was deeply touched by all the messages left on Amy Winehouse's voicemail.

   I must say you really have an open mind. And a mouth to match

   How can Judgement day Saturday? I've not even finished building Skynet yet!

   trading his mother-in-law for a stud service and willing to add cash

   dont force me to show my attitude...trust me m really good at it

   Life is like a sports car: It goes too fast, and it costs too much

   If space & time are the same as Einstein said, can you be five miles late

   I think an aptitude test, ensuring the ability to change out the finished roll of toilet paper to a new role, should be required before you are allowed to breed....

   Never let your persistence and passion turn into stubbornness and ignorance.

   "You only live once, so don't think twice" (",)

   I'm not saying that "killing them with kindness" cant work, but I'm pretty sure that an automatic weapon works alot faster and more accurately.

   I used to suffer with terrible flashbacks. Luckily, they're a thing of the past.

   ...can't believe how less sophisticated and superstitious the people of Egypt seem like on tv. I mean it's ridiculous!! Hey, did anyone see whether the ground hog saw his shadow today??....

   Would it change the way you feel about me if I admitted that I have a special love for the BeeGees?

   yikes, that Rolling Stone has gathered some moss.

   Valentines day. Where nookie is only a box of chocolates away.

   At the end of your life, you should get a rebate for however much time you spent learning cursive.

   His speech was long and awkward like the line for the women's bathroom at a transgender convention.