Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   "hi, you are through to the incontinence hotline..........can you hold please?"

   Never mind being "Popular" in High School.... Now there's Facebook...

   if at first you don't succeed, maybe you just suck!!!

   trying very hard to be the person her doctor medicates her to be.

   Aren't the "good things that come to those who wait" really just leftovers from people who got there first?

   "Side effects may include constipation or diarrhea." So what you're saying is I may or may not give a sh*t.

   those bootyshorts really compliment your tiger stripes

   I don't have bad handwriting, I have my own Font =D

   Walk a mile in my shoes... Then walk another mile... In fact, just keep the shoes and keep walking.

   No matter how old I get, I will always be overly excited when I receive a hand written letter in the mail.

   My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good.

   As the light changed from red to green to yellow and back to red again, I sat there thinking about life. Was it nothing more than a bunch of honking and yelling? Sometimes it seemed that way...

   I think you misunderstood me. I said "go phuck yourself" with a PH. So, that makes it cool and not remotely offensive... Phucktard.

   Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives...

   I wonder if that braille on random public signs often says: “How did you know this was here?"

   If I was two faced, do you think I'd be wearing this one?

   Sometimes in order to see the light, you must blind yourself to bullsh*t

   The best part of being a pedestrian is walking over the hood of the car of the person who stopped right in the middle of a crosswalk.

   I just got a text saying... I'm Not The Girl Ur Mother Warned you About,,, Her Imagination Was Never This Good. Umm... you wanna come over?

   Kama Sutra has finally been published as an audio book. Unfortunatly the audio is provided by Gilbert Gottfried.