Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Women are cool until they start loving you. That's when all the drama starts.

   One politician endorsing another is like poo endorsing diarrhea.

   Google+ is like Bruce Willis in the Sixth Sense. It doesn't know it's dead yet.

   IDEA: Mood cars. Vehicle color changes based on drivers behavior. Turns red; they're angry. White; they're sick. Pink: they're pregnant.

   Hide and Seek scores are out! Remote Control: 16. Me: 0

   I'm dying to hear another Kevorkian joke, can I get an assist? Anyone? Anyone?

   A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you just the way you are.

   Oh, I'm just a social drinker. Every time someone says, 'I'll have a drink', I say, 'So shall I !

   I guess I'll pick up my dog's poop this time since you're having a yardsale and all.

   You can't change a Hoe Into a Wife just as much as you can't change a Player into a Husband.

   It's important to have a good sense of humor right up until someone jokes about something you care about. Then it's okay to kick their ass!

   i totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger

   By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he's wrong.

   People who brag they have haters are doing their so called haters a favor by making you look more of a douchebag than you already are.

   If a guy treats a girl like dirt, she'll stick to him like mud!

   Talked to Mom tonight. She said she got a good 8 inches in Albany tonight. God I hope she's talking about snow...

   I plan on rivaling the military with my own explosive version of "shock and awe" this evening!

   Picnics are dumb because five minutes after you eat your sandwich you're just a jackass in the park sitting on a blanket.

   Modern music is like Taco Bell. They keep coming up with new things using the same seven ingredients.

   Smurfs-v-Snorks on the Deadliest Warrior......make it happen.