Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   There was just a 5.8 earthquake in Washington. Obama wanted it to be 3.4, but the Republicans wanted 5.8, so he compromised.

   I'll be Black you stay White here!

   are most of these anti trump people on welfare?

   Why does every BLACK joke start with the person looking over both shoulders and talking quiet?

   it turns out, is not a jedi :(

   I don't understand why g@y guys won't sleep with women. I mean they have butt-holes too.

   I think it's sick joke that companies are selling calendars for 2013. Anything to make a buck.

   When I die, the best tombstone I can hope for is "He was an ass hole, but he was a funny ass hole."

   Dear Kanye; if you really are Yeezus, raise your album out of my recycle bin.

   Record temps again tomorrow....If I can find a lemonade stand, I'll be on it like a hillbilly on his half-sister!

   Just saw a laundry soap advertisement showing how it can even remove dried up blood stains off of clothing. If you're clothing is covered in dried blood, I'm thinking that's not your biggest problem.

   I like rice. Rice is great when you're hungry and want 2000 of something.

   What is it with blind people and walking their dogs?

   For the last time people....... I'm not fat! I am just so full of sexy that it over flows... There is a difference!

   Two lesbians walk into a bra....................(Yes,,that was a typo, but I liked it so much, I kept it.)

   Do not READ this status. Thanks

   It takes a great deal of courage to admit you've seen Herman Cain naked.

   Sometimes just for laughs, I slip condoms into the carts of little old ladies at the grocery store and then watch for the checker's reaction....

   Threesomes get super-awkward when the third person wakes up.

   Immature: A word used by boring people to describe fun people.