Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Maury Povich just announced a special "baby's daddy" episode for Snookie..suddenly 284 men are doing a lot of subtraction!

   Lot of men don't realize the true worth of their wives.........until a judge decides the alimony amount

   Wouldn't it be a smart idea? To make the sticky part on envelopes taste like chocolate?

   You say drug dealer, I say illegal happiness entrepreneur.

   New Years Eve Drinking Game: Everytime someone says "See you next year!" take their beer puncn them and chug said beer.

   For some of the rich & famous around the world. it's really sad that they can buy whatever they WANT, but have to beg for what they NEED.

   Fella's let the woman wear the pants in the relationship...their coming off later anyway....

   When FB stalking someone & I find out their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!

   If the world doesn't end on Dec 21 2012....I have a feeling that there will be alot of babies born on Sept 20th 2013!!

   Wanna fix the economy? Find a cure for dumba$$

   I didnt know that world peace meant elbows to the head...

   I think they call it the LIFETIME network because when you are forced to watch one of those stupid shows IT SURE SEEMS LIKE IT.

   Only dead fish go with the flow.

   Never "hood-slide" like Bo Duke on a hot summer day wearing cut-off jean shorts....

   The best revenge for your EX, is inviting them to your wedding :)

   the perfect husband: Brave Intelligent Gentle Polite Energetic Nutty Industrious Sensitive and if all else fails, read the capitals...

   I blame Obama for the 1900 point drop in the Dow Jones, even though he has nothing to do with it.

   If I use my stimulus money to buy baby chickens, does this mean we got money for nothing and chicks for free? ‬

   Just read that michelangelo painted the sistine chapel on his back. Must’ve been really difficult reaching that bit between his shoulders.

   In honor of DMX, I encourage everyone to bark loudly at a random stranger.