Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The voices in my head declined my friend request.

   tonight we get to time travel & wont even need a delorean

   "Danger" is my middle name!! Unfortunately "Stranger" is my first.

   Of course I would die for you honey. Example? Uhhhh.... I would rather jump into an alligator pit and eaten alive, than listen to you B*TCH for another second. How did I do?

   Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one. We're not sure if Lady Gaga has one. Madonna doesn't have one. The Pope has one but never uses it. What is it? A last name.

   Technically wouldn't all of Denver be in the mile high club?

   My girlfriend is pissed at me because she said that I never something something and that she has something somethings too.

   I remember the first habit I picked up. The other nuns just stared in horror!

   The next person to cough near me is getting a spork to their eyeball.

   If He-Man had the power of Grayskull, how come he had such a crappy haircut?

   Maury Povich just announced a special "baby's daddy" episode for Snookie..suddenly 284 men are doing a lot of subtraction!

   Lot of men don't realize the true worth of their wives.........until a judge decides the alimony amount

   Wouldn't it be a smart idea? To make the sticky part on envelopes taste like chocolate?

   You say drug dealer, I say illegal happiness entrepreneur.

   New Years Eve Drinking Game: Everytime someone says "See you next year!" take their beer puncn them and chug said beer.

   For some of the rich & famous around the world. it's really sad that they can buy whatever they WANT, but have to beg for what they NEED.

   Fella's let the woman wear the pants in the relationship...their coming off later anyway....

   When FB stalking someone & I find out their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!

   If the world doesn't end on Dec 21 2012....I have a feeling that there will be alot of babies born on Sept 20th 2013!!

   Wanna fix the economy? Find a cure for dumba$$