Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon looking for people to go into the future with me. You'll get paid after we get back; we will be fighting legions upon legions of super intelligent apes. Must bring your own weapons, safety not guaranteed. I have only done this once. Bring bananas!
←Rate | 02-03-2010 03:37 by Ernie Comments (0)  


   messageicon going over to the dark side...I figure it's just a burnt lightbulb needs replacing.
←Rate | 03-09-2010 22:40 by markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon has a way to end the Iraq war. Tonight, pack everything and leave. Tomorrow, when the world reacts, we act like we have no idea what they are talking about.
←Rate | 03-30-2010 20:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon hates having friend requests off faceless girls. Its called facebook for a reason you stupid splitarse! And that faceless pic looks like Darth Vader. Who wants 2 be friends with Darth Vader?!!
←Rate | 09-05-2010 11:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon sometimes, you forgive people simply because you still want them in your life.
←Rate | 10-07-2010 20:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon noticed it is 10-10-10 @ 10.10 AM... awesome!
←Rate | 10-10-2010 04:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Pizza is a lot like sex. When it's good, it's really good. When it's bad, it's still pretty good
←Rate | 10-12-2010 20:07 by Cisco Comments (0)  


   messageicon between the soccer team that crashed in the Andes and those 33 miners, Chile has a very good record of disasters with happy endings...
←Rate | 10-22-2010 00:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Oh, nothing just admiring the shape of your skull..
←Rate | 10-30-2010 02:30 by Wolf Comments (0)  


   messageicon Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren't happy.
←Rate | 11-19-2010 10:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I haven't spoken to my mother-in-law for eighteen months. I don't like to interrupt her.
←Rate | 11-26-2010 17:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon #4 Girl, did you know your eyes are such a beautiful color of blue . . . It reminds me of the water in my toilet . . .
←Rate | 12-09-2010 08:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon feels like I am at a crossroad. I know you should take the road less traveled... but then who do you hang out with?
←Rate | 09-30-2009 15:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon having humpty dumpty for breakfast
←Rate | 11-04-2009 23:41 by Ben 10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If candy was named after a High School social group like "Nerds," than would they come out with candy named "Hoes" and "Jocks?"
←Rate | 11-14-2009 14:08 by Karencita Comments (0)  


   messageicon wonders at what point in a proctologists life do they decide, 'When I grow up, I want to be sure everyones a$$ho!e is puckered up and functional!"
←Rate | 04-09-2010 13:45 by Yaj Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just ONE Saturday night I'd like to go without drunk-dialing Barbara Walters.
←Rate | 04-13-2010 00:51 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon ..is having a threesome with two men tonight : Ben &Jerry. x
←Rate | 05-27-2010 13:53 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Good morning, and a Happy Hurricane Season to all.......
←Rate | 06-01-2010 09:26 by Bill Comments (0)  


   messageicon I get speechless whenever I see a heavy woman in spandex, usually because my tongue gets tied trying to say "Flubber hugging lady leggings".
←Rate | 06-01-2010 13:25 by Joser Comments (0)  




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