Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 3173 of 6447

looking for people to go into the future with me. You'll get paid after we get back; we will be fighting legions upon legions of super intelligent apes. Must bring your own weapons, safety not guaranteed. I have only done this once. Bring bananas!
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02-03-2010 03:37 by Ernie
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going over to the dark side...I figure it's just a burnt lightbulb needs replacing.
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03-09-2010 22:40 by markf
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has a way to end the Iraq war. Tonight, pack everything and leave. Tomorrow, when the world reacts, we act like we have no idea what they are talking about.
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03-30-2010 20:34
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hates having friend requests off faceless girls. Its called facebook for a reason you stupid splitarse! And that faceless pic looks like Darth Vader. Who wants 2 be friends with Darth Vader?!!
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09-05-2010 11:21
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sometimes, you forgive people simply because you still want them in your life.
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10-07-2010 20:45
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noticed it is 10-10-10 @ 10.10 AM... awesome!
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10-10-2010 04:13
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Pizza is a lot like sex. When it's good, it's really good. When it's bad, it's still pretty good
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10-12-2010 20:07 by Cisco
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between the soccer team that crashed in the Andes and those 33 miners, Chile has a very good record of disasters with happy endings...
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10-22-2010 00:29
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Oh, nothing just admiring the shape of your skull..
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10-30-2010 02:30 by Wolf
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Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren't happy.
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11-19-2010 10:50
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I haven't spoken to my mother-in-law for eighteen months. I don't like to interrupt her.
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11-26-2010 17:16
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#4 Girl, did you know your eyes are such a beautiful color of blue . . . It reminds me of the water in my toilet . . .
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12-09-2010 08:28
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feels like I am at a crossroad. I know you should take the road less traveled... but then who do you hang out with?
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09-30-2009 15:48
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having humpty dumpty for breakfast
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11-04-2009 23:41 by Ben 10
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If candy was named after a High School social group like "Nerds," than would they come out with candy named "Hoes" and "Jocks?"
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11-14-2009 14:08 by Karencita
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wonders at what point in a proctologists life do they decide, 'When I grow up, I want to be sure everyones a$$ho!e is puckered up and functional!"
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04-09-2010 13:45 by Yaj
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Just ONE Saturday night I'd like to go without drunk-dialing Barbara Walters.
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04-13-2010 00:51 by jdpower
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..is having a threesome with two men tonight : Ben &Jerry. x

Good morning, and a Happy Hurricane Season to all.......
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06-01-2010 09:26 by Bill
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I get speechless whenever I see a heavy woman in spandex, usually because my tongue gets tied trying to say "Flubber hugging lady leggings".
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06-01-2010 13:25 by Joser
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