Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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Give a man a gun he can rob a bank.Give a man a bank and he can rob everybody 
Paul Revere had a time capsule. They opened it up after a couple of hundred years, and guess what they found? A stack of love letters from Barbara Walters..
* Noah loading ark,,, "cows? check,,, goats? check",,, *llama walks up,,, " I already have llamas."... "Umm, I'm an Alpaca?".... "O.K.,, Wahatever"
Ladies; Take his breath away. Sit on his face.
A woman should know how to look like a girl, how to act like a lady, how to think like a man." :)
Justin Bieber should be treated like AM radio and nobody should ever listen to them...
was thinking about starting a facebook addiction group, but wouldn't that be like starting an alcoholics annonymous at a bar?
can no longer play Scrabble. Turns out he has Irritable Vowel Syndrome...
patience is not a virture, its a waste of time.
born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative.
looking for people to go into the future with me. You'll get paid after we get back; we will be fighting legions upon legions of super intelligent apes. Must bring your own weapons, safety not guaranteed. I have only done this once. Bring bananas!
Wouldn't it be cool if "brownie points" could be collected and traded in for real brownies?
going over to the dark side...I figure it's just a burnt lightbulb needs replacing.
has a way to end the Iraq war. Tonight, pack everything and leave. Tomorrow, when the world reacts, we act like we have no idea what they are talking about.
hates having friend requests off faceless girls. Its called facebook for a reason you stupid splitarse! And that faceless pic looks like Darth Vader. Who wants 2 be friends with Darth Vader?!!
sometimes, you forgive people simply because you still want them in your life.
noticed it is 10-10-10 @ 10.10 AM... awesome!
Pizza is a lot like sex. When it's good, it's really good. When it's bad, it's still pretty good
between the soccer team that crashed in the Andes and those 33 miners, Chile has a very good record of disasters with happy endings...
Oh, nothing just admiring the shape of your skull.. 