Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I wonder if clouds look down on us and say stuff like "That one's shaped like an idiot."

   If you can read thank a teacher. If you can read in English, thank a Marine.

   I would never shut up if I had a British accent.

   Teaching your son to respect a woman is way more important than teaching him to play a sport.

   A man buys his wife a car and she says "Can't you get me something that goes from 0-140 in 3 seconds?" He brought her the bathroom scale.

   CNN just reported "15 shot dead at carwash in Mexico", whoever the gunman was needs to be a sniper in the military, he shot everybody in the car

   Little Johnny wrote to Santa, "I want a baby brother for christmas." Santa wrote back' "Send me your Mother. '

   Celebrating Black History Month. I got my baggy FUBU jeans on with the chicken pouch... I hope my month is full of drive bys, gangster rap, 40 ozers, drug deals, watermelon and lots of fried chicken.... Happy Black History Month!!!!!!!

   REMINDER- Don't forget to hand out White Chocolate this Halloween so that little Black kids can get their faces dirty too!

   Every time I hear someone say "The Lord works in mysterious ways," I picture him performing miracles while doing the robot.

   thinks it's discriminating that there's a Black Friday but not a White Friday!

   Next time your sit at a McDonald's playland and a parent asks you, "Which one is yours?" Say, "I haven’t picked one out yet!" It's worth it.

   What is the difference between a woman and a magnet? Magnets have a positive side!

   magically delicious.

   For Obama so loved the poor, that he created millions more...

   Barack Obama walks into a bar with a duck on his head. The bartender says where did you get that. The duck replied "Kenya"

   Day #7: I am thankful that we can still engineer the electricals.

   There's another Twilight coming out??? WTF, when will this f*cken torture end!!

   Slow down Biden, you don't have the ruin the country your first week in office

   RIP, Maya Angelou. You were my favorite Ninja Turtle.