Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Well, today was a complete waste of clean clothes.

   Flat screens are nice and all,but they'll never compare to the television/record player/ liquor cabinet combo extravaganza we had as kids.

   We need voter ID but we need voter IQ even more!

   If your bellybutton jewelry touches the person you’re hugging before you do…you shouldn’t have bellybutton jewelry.

   I am not saying you have to love me. I am just saying the duct tape will come off quicker if you do.

   It's always awkward the first time you hold hands with someone because they usually want to know who you are and why you just grabbed them.

   I told you a million times do not exaggerate!

   I might not be smarter than a 5th grader, but I can buy beer.

   I finally stopped caring what other people think. I hope everyone's ok with that.

   Breaking News!!! It is okay to "NOT" get in a debate on a Facebook status if you really have no idea what you are talking about. You can just move on to a cat picture or something you understand and comment on that..

   Every minute Justin Bieber is held in jail is a victory for good music.

   You can't run from your problems forever. Eventually, you'll have to take a car or a plane to really avoid them.

   it just me, or did anyone else think that we would be living like the Jetson's by 2011?

   Did you know 25% of car accidents in canada involve a moose.I say we don't let them drive

   Friends don't tag friends in hideous Facebook pictures.

   Thanks, confirmation email telling me I've successfully unsubscribed from your emails. You just had to win didn't you?

   If people insist on acting like an idiot, I must insist on treating them like one.

   Next time the bank calls me to tell me I'm overdrawn, I'm gonna tell them, "We are aware of the situation and are working to repair it."

   You can almost pass a lie detector test if you answer every question with "go fish."

   i dont have trust issues, I just know people who have lying issues