Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
...They called it 'PMS' because 'Mad Cow Disease' was already taken.... 
gonna give you to the count of ten to get your ugly, yellow, no-good keister off my property, before I pump your guts full of lead! ONE. TWO. TEN!
If you watch Cinderella backwards, it's a delightful animated Disney classic about a woman learning her place....
Just walked into a McDonald's and refilled my soda cup from yesterday without paying. Thug life.
The best part about being a M uslim girl is how you don’t have to wait for Halloween to wear your ninja costume.
Oh...Jehovah Witnesses don't celebrate Halloween they say. I guess they don't appreciate random stangers coming to their front door.
Three resons to stand up. 1) to go bathroom 2) to get the T.V remote and 3) because your the real slim shady.
Every obese person needs a shirt that says "I beat Anorexia"
I've dedicated my life to getting under age prostitutes off the streets. For an hour or so usually.
Like if you remember British Knights shoes
*Breaking News: North Korea's scientists claim to have developed a time machine. Translation: They figured out how to make a clock.
Why is everyone so obsessed with the idea of love? If you're dying to be hurt so badly, I've got a baseball bat for that.
Timeouts just give children a quiet place to plan school shootings.
٩(-̮̮̃-̃)۶*´¨`* That's me granting you a wish. Simply comment your wish below and poof...you got it! LOL....
just heard that despite the universal success of the iPod and the iPhone; Apple will be releasing their next gadget EXCLUSIVELY for women... It will be called the iRon.
An old Indian Chief was asked if they had Daylight Savings Time on the reservation. The old man replied "Only whyte man dumb enough to thing he can cut off the bottom of a blanket, sew it on the other end and think he has a longer blanket."
GM and Chrysler...still made by welfare funds
The Supreme Court is like regular court but with sour creme, guacamole and extra cheese.
Dear girls at the gym, skinny doesn't fix ugly
ME: Wanna go out with me? GIRL: I have a boyfriend. Me: I have a test tomorrow. GIRL: And? ME: Sorry, I thought we were naming things we could cheat on 