Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   going downstairs to see what that noise was... powers out but BRB.

   forgot to buy candy for the kids this Halloween but will offer them a bite of her sandwich.

   All I wanna do is have my mind erased

   There is a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.

   I would kill for a nobel peace price

   They say the grass is greener on the other side, but have you ever flipped it over?

   If you're one in a million, there are six thousand people exactly like you... dumn*ss...

   I know for a fact that one of my facebook friends are playing with thy self as I write this status..ok who is it???

   (This Status Message Was Left Blank Due To The Down Right Rudeness and Frankness Of The Subject Matter Not Suitable For Facebook or Other PG Rated Social Networking Sites. Thank You Facebook Admin.)

   I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was blaming you.

   Lets play house. You be the door and I'll slam you.

   wondering why American sports use terms like "world series" when no other countries play.

   If only those tight shirts with the bedazzled wings on the back that some guys wear would allow them to fly far, far away, the world just might be a better place.

   climbing Mt. Washmore.

   Brett Favre retired today from the Minnesota Vikings of the National Football League... In other news, the Sun rose in the east this morning...

   reminds you that anything unrelated to elephants is *ahem*...irrelephant.

   Why does my shampoo smell like gasoline? And when did my wife start smoking?

   maybe the Giants should sign Charlie Sheen so he can teach him how to start "winning"

   She had me at "I want the D tonight!" But lost me moments later when she said "Dominos pizza that is."

   There is nothing like listening to Led Zeppelin to drown out the Jonas Brothers break up. . .