Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   forgot to buy candy for the kids this Halloween but will offer them a bite of her sandwich.

   All I wanna do is have my mind erased

   There is a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.

   I would kill for a nobel peace price

   Remember what your elders used to say, "Birds of a feather flock together. If you're an eagle, don't hang around chickens: Chickens Can't Fly!

   had to tell a friend I needed to reschedule today's activities due to FB Season starting...she texted me back.." What the hell is Facebook Season"...lol happy Sunday..smile

   Facebook: Where poke is the new booty call.

   Think outside the facebox.

   We have all experienced the pain of watching a slow typer.

   Sometimes the people you love the most are the ones that hurt you the most...but it's up to you to decide who you live through the pain for...

   Why does my shampoo smell like gasoline? And when did my wife start smoking?

   maybe the Giants should sign Charlie Sheen so he can teach him how to start "winning"

   She had me at "I want the D tonight!" But lost me moments later when she said "Dominos pizza that is."

   There is nothing like listening to Led Zeppelin to drown out the Jonas Brothers break up. . .

   I just found out my mother-in-law is going to be staying with us for the Thanksgiving Weekend. Well, it looks like I have to clean out the hall closet again.....she is going to need somewhere to hang upside down and sleep

   Okay Christmas, you're on the clock...

   Happy New Year Facebook world! Keep the drama coming in 2015. Love it!!

   I have a habit of breaking into the song "Uptown Funk" every 5 minutes and try to include it in conversations. Don't believe me ? Just watch.

   Since building the 6 million dollar man in the 70s, he's depreciated in value so much over time he's now known as 50cent.

   Because of "YOLO", MILFS are now 16 years old.