Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If you're one in a million, there are six thousand people exactly like you... dumn*ss...

   I know for a fact that one of my facebook friends are playing with thy self as I write this status..ok who is it???

   (This Status Message Was Left Blank Due To The Down Right Rudeness and Frankness Of The Subject Matter Not Suitable For Facebook or Other PG Rated Social Networking Sites. Thank You Facebook Admin.)

   I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was blaming you.

   Lets play house. You be the door and I'll slam you.

   wondering why American sports use terms like "world series" when no other countries play.

   relationship status: sometimes I pretend i'm choking in restaurants for all the free hugs

   Hey ladies, awesome news, I checked, they sell hoodies in the women's section too. I know, right?! ..I'd like mine back

   What do I have to do to become the 8th deadly sin?

   Just when I got the best place to hide a body, I forgot who I lent my shovel. . .

   Nice status. You're out of alcohol again aren't you?

   So you'd like to know what I do for a living? So would I.

   I don't care how the future pans out, any amazon delivery from now on is referred to as a drone strike.

   Dear Santa....I've been good for the last hour

   You show me Karl Marx's grave and I'll show you a Communist plot.

   I told a woman she looked fat in those jeans once, so yeah you could say I know a thing or two about what's it's like to live on the edge.

   saw a magician driving today,first time I looked he was the only one driving,when I looked again a women suddenly appeared in the passenger seat

   If they blackl isted all of the IP addresses that p ost useless sh*t there wouldn't be anything here.

   "Looks don't matter, just be yourself". - attractive people

   FLASH floods are just regular floods except they show you their junk!