Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   .... Just think ..... after this week ...... everything in "Back to the Future" will take place entirely in the past!

   If your camel toe looks like a elephants hoof, you might want to rethink the yoga pants.

   Burned a clock today... Actually ended up inhaling a lot of "secondhand" smoke.

   The news always showing pictures of these thugs when they were little kids is like a girl who has a profile picture when she was a hundred pounds lighter.

   congratulations to Brian Williams on winning the Powerball

   Does anyone know of a quick test to tell if you're cool? I mean...obviously...I'm just asking this for a friend....

   If women just did the same things they did while auditioning for the ring after they got the ring there would be less divorce

   I dont do jokes about the Spanish....... no way Jose!

   Thinks MONDAY would be a good name for a Pitbull....BAD MONDAY.....BAD

   My motto is "never say never." Which makes it difficult to tell people my motto.

   It was recently reported that House Speaker Pelosi stated that "There has never been a more open process" regarding the Health Care Reform Bill." Which begs the question, is she smoking marijuana for a medical condition?

   Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.

   Why am I so mean? My heart was made of chocolate so I ate it. Now I have no heart and no chocolate! Wouldn't that make you mean??

   You know you are obsessed with farmville, when your stomach is growling and you say, "Shut-up! I need to harvest!"

   ...and then Buffy staked Edward. The end... ahahahahaha....did I kill the series? Can we be done with Vampires Light ?

   I hope every school yard bully finds the kid from the Toyota Highlander commercials and mercilessly beat him.

   finally figured out what mosquitoes are for. They're God's way of making us slap ourselves.

   its peanut butter and jelly time !!!!

   I really hope I don't get abducted by aliens. I haven't learned to speak Spanish yet!

   Danggggit! Lets just put Louisana on Craiglist! Maybe the French can buy it back.