Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Just finished building Rome with Lego. Took me a day.

   living in a van....down by the river!

   Apparently Diet Pepsi has come out with a new "skinny" can...does that mean regular Pepsi will be coming out with a new "fat-ass" can?

   read tha Tiger Woods has a new Girlfriend who is 22 years old...does she not watch the news

   I've heard that hair dye goes to your head. You must use the Nice & Easy brand.

   Those who criticize our generation forget who raised it

   Finally the world sees that Arizona's immigration law is no different from the federal law. It is just that the Feds don't want the law enforced. Bring it on 1.6 billion a yr can be spent on Arizonans instead.

   Cat: Meow … Me: Meow? … Cat: Meow meow … Me: Oh my lord. I speak cat.

   OMG! Debbie needs building supplies in Farmville and Josh played MOON on Words with Friends, OMG! OMG! OMG!

   I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

   Guess who has The Addams Family theme song stuck in their head?...... You. *snap snap*

   I'm going to get "Poor Decision Maker" tattooed on my face.

   I guess "kick the bucket" will be the last think on my bucket list.

   Awesome idea... You and 2 of your friends go to 3 separate dealerships and test drive the same make, model, and color car. Then you meet up somewhere, all swap cars, and take them back. Then say you'll keep their card and be in touch.

   If having the moves like Jagger entails prancing around like an electrocuted chicken then no, I do not have the moves like Jagger

   Ladies it's only fair of me to inform you, in case you are diabetic, that I'm sweet. Also, if you have food allergies, I have nuts.

   Don't let your ego write a check your character can't cash.

   People sometimes say that 'motivation doesn't last', But neither does Bathing... That's why we recommend it daily.

   Her: I want to kiss you where you pee. Me: In the shower?

   Trump hasn't tweeted the Launch Codes yet...So, far so good!