Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
I got 99 problems...dont be the 100th. 
The most powerful microscope can see the diameter of a hydrogen atom. If you look through that you still couldn't see how little I care about your drama
Q: Why are single women skinnier than married women? A: Single women go to the fridge, see nothing nice and then go to bed. Married women go to bed, see nothing nice and then go to the fridge.
What's the difference between erotic and kinky? Erotic: USE a feather. Kinky: Use the whole chicken
It's a grill kind of day!! I'm an Omnivore however in a gesture of sensitivity to Vegans everywhere, today I'm only gonna eat vegetarian animals .
"I don't care if it takes 10 years, a war and trillions of dollars, I will find you." - Me about figuring out who unfriended me on Facebook.
Having 50 friends in common doesnt automatically mean we know each other and should be friends.
♫ If you're crazy and you know it take your pills! ♫ *clap…clap*
Just finished building Rome with Lego. Took me a day.
living in a van....down by the river!
Apparently Diet Pepsi has come out with a new "skinny" can...does that mean regular Pepsi will be coming out with a new "fat-ass" can?
read tha Tiger Woods has a new Girlfriend who is 22 years old...does she not watch the news
I've heard that hair dye goes to your head. You must use the Nice & Easy brand.
Those who criticize our generation forget who raised it
Finally the world sees that Arizona's immigration law is no different from the federal law. It is just that the Feds don't want the law enforced. Bring it on 1.6 billion a yr can be spent on Arizonans instead.
Cat: Meow … Me: Meow? … Cat: Meow meow … Me: Oh my lord. I speak cat.
OMG! Debbie needs building supplies in Farmville and Josh played MOON on Words with Friends, OMG! OMG! OMG!
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
Guess who has The Addams Family theme song stuck in their head?...... You. *snap snap*
I'm going to get "Poor Decision Maker" tattooed on my face. 