Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   read tha Tiger Woods has a new Girlfriend who is 22 years old...does she not watch the news

   I've heard that hair dye goes to your head. You must use the Nice & Easy brand.

   Those who criticize our generation forget who raised it

   Finally the world sees that Arizona's immigration law is no different from the federal law. It is just that the Feds don't want the law enforced. Bring it on 1.6 billion a yr can be spent on Arizonans instead.

   Cat: Meow … Me: Meow? … Cat: Meow meow … Me: Oh my lord. I speak cat.

   OMG! Debbie needs building supplies in Farmville and Josh played MOON on Words with Friends, OMG! OMG! OMG!

   I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

   Guess who has The Addams Family theme song stuck in their head?...... You. *snap snap*

   I'm going to get "Poor Decision Maker" tattooed on my face.

   I guess "kick the bucket" will be the last think on my bucket list.

   Awesome idea... You and 2 of your friends go to 3 separate dealerships and test drive the same make, model, and color car. Then you meet up somewhere, all swap cars, and take them back. Then say you'll keep their card and be in touch.

   If having the moves like Jagger entails prancing around like an electrocuted chicken then no, I do not have the moves like Jagger

   Ladies it's only fair of me to inform you, in case you are diabetic, that I'm sweet. Also, if you have food allergies, I have nuts.

   Don't let your ego write a check your character can't cash.

   People sometimes say that 'motivation doesn't last', But neither does Bathing... That's why we recommend it daily.

   Her: I want to kiss you where you pee. Me: In the shower?

   Trump hasn't tweeted the Launch Codes yet...So, far so good!

   How dare the NFL build walls to keep fans that haven't paid for a ticket from entering the game!" #NotMySuperBowl

   Well .... That's IT ... It's the LAST STRAW !!! ... I'm now going to vote for the candidate who left people to die, Covered up her husbands Sexual Assaults, And Threatened National Security ..... Because that other candidate said some mean things.

   We should make it so Congressmen are no longer elected. Then the Donald could create a reality show like the Apprentice, which would shown and sponsored on television, and make them all have to justify keeping their jobs. If they can't, -- "Your FIRED"