Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Frank was here....went to get beer...

   having a hard time deciding.. Laundry today or Naked tomorrow?

   and three hundred of his friends DIDNT change their profile picture

   ex girlfriend just told me that my immaturity erected a barrier between us...I have no idea what she's talking about, but its so funny that she said erected.

   I know you're great Superman, but telling a reporter your weaknesses and about your background was rather moronic of you. Why don't you just give your enemies a "How to beat Superman" list.

   Met someone today named Ophelia Ball. Was I childish for giggling during encounter?

   500 birds fell out of sky in Louisiana too? OK that's it, something crazy is going on. Where's Fox Mulder when you need him?

   keeps a fake journal claiming I've done monumental stuff, so if I ever develop amnesia, I'm gonna think I'm freakin' AWESOME!

   Why is the dollar drink @ Mc D's smaller than the dollar Sweet Tea?? I jus dump that sh*t out n refill it wit Hi-C.

   What do you call a pig with 3 eyes...??? A Piiig!...Stupid yes, but you know you'll tell it.

   I asked my kid, “Do you know why we have a Thanksgiving holiday?” He said, “Sure! It's so we know when to start Christmas shopping!”

   All I want for Christmas is for Santa to give me a copy of his naughty list. ;0)

   asks, What can brown do for you?... Brown will whoop ur ass, just ask Rhianna or Whitney

   Funny, I have a fifth grader and the stuff that he is learning in school is not the stuff that is on "Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader". What elementary school do those kids go to?!?

   Next Week is not good for me the Jonas Brothers are in town

   I'm feeling adventurous, so I'm going to go to sleep and try to dodge Freddy Krueger. Wish me luck!

   I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food.

   A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths

   Dear Sally, selling seashells on the seashore is bad salesmanship. You can just pick them up off the ground behind you.

   Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?