Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   All I want for Christmas is for Santa to give me a copy of his naughty list. ;0)

   The point is not everyone is gonna be a millionaire.If you're happy, you're successful.

   From now on, whenever my toilet gets clogged I'm going to call it a "top kill."

   When someone is so sweet to you, don't expect that they will be like that all the time because even the damn sweetest chocolate expires to..

   Wh I thought that Jet Blue Flight attendant would have been used to bags bouncing off his face.

   Frank was here....went to get beer...

   having a hard time deciding.. Laundry today or Naked tomorrow?

   and three hundred of his friends DIDNT change their profile picture

   ex girlfriend just told me that my immaturity erected a barrier between us...I have no idea what she's talking about, but its so funny that she said erected.

   Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

   There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away. And I have the Restraining Order to prove it! LOL

   A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths

   Dear Sally, selling seashells on the seashore is bad salesmanship. You can just pick them up off the ground behind you.

   Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?

   just her or did anyone else think we would be living like the Jetson's in 2010?!

   Life is like a warm cookie, you think you got it in one peice then it all crumbles

   wondering " Why Beyonce not wearing a G-string in Telephone Video with Lady Gaga??"

   I'm never buying video games from Mexican websites again. Super Mario Van Peebles is the worst game I've ever played.

   time to diet, my belly button went from looking surprised to a full blown grimace

   A boomerang is just a frisbee for douchebags with no friends.