Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away. And I have the Restraining Order to prove it! LOL

   I know you're great Superman, but telling a reporter your weaknesses and about your background was rather moronic of you. Why don't you just give your enemies a "How to beat Superman" list.

   Met someone today named Ophelia Ball. Was I childish for giggling during encounter?

   500 birds fell out of sky in Louisiana too? OK that's it, something crazy is going on. Where's Fox Mulder when you need him?

   Some call it stalking. I call it love.

   You look as guilty as a pedophile on parole at Chucky Cheese.

   Has anyone else noticed that mirrors look really sexy?

   Hi, I'm chucky! wanna play?"

   Rejection is tough, I heard that your hand fell asleep on you last night.

   The point is not everyone is gonna be a millionaire.If you're happy, you're successful.

   From now on, whenever my toilet gets clogged I'm going to call it a "top kill."

   When someone is so sweet to you, don't expect that they will be like that all the time because even the damn sweetest chocolate expires to..

   Wh I thought that Jet Blue Flight attendant would have been used to bags bouncing off his face.

   Frank was here....went to get beer...

   having a hard time deciding.. Laundry today or Naked tomorrow?

   and three hundred of his friends DIDNT change their profile picture

   ex girlfriend just told me that my immaturity erected a barrier between us...I have no idea what she's talking about, but its so funny that she said erected.

   keeps a fake journal claiming I've done monumental stuff, so if I ever develop amnesia, I'm gonna think I'm freakin' AWESOME!

   Why is the dollar drink @ Mc D's smaller than the dollar Sweet Tea?? I jus dump that sh*t out n refill it wit Hi-C.

   What do you call a pig with 3 eyes...??? A Piiig!...Stupid yes, but you know you'll tell it.