Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   not a OBGYN. But, I will take a look!

   Who in the heck thought it was a good idea to pull a foot off a rabbit and use it as a lucky charm? If it wasn't lucky for the rabbit why would it be lucky for me??

   won't be drinking alone tonight.......the verizon network will be with with her!

   thinking about creating a FB application "Governmentville" --where virtual money is paid to all the Farmville players just to let their farms go fallow...for several years....

   This is odd... I just got a letter in the mail saying I'm being sued by Lindsay Lohan for throwing up last weekend?

   whoever dies with the most friends on facebook wins

   Tattoo on the lower back? Might as well be a bullseye.

   wonders if birds have a national MAYDAY sytem in place when they know their going to crash?!?!

   Diaper backward spells repaid. Think about it.

   Some call it stalking. I call it love.

   You look as guilty as a pedophile on parole at Chucky Cheese.

   Has anyone else noticed that mirrors look really sexy?

   Hi, I'm chucky! wanna play?"

   Rejection is tough, I heard that your hand fell asleep on you last night.

   Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

   There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away. And I have the Restraining Order to prove it! LOL

   The point is not everyone is gonna be a millionaire.If you're happy, you're successful.

   From now on, whenever my toilet gets clogged I'm going to call it a "top kill."

   When someone is so sweet to you, don't expect that they will be like that all the time because even the damn sweetest chocolate expires to..

   Wh I thought that Jet Blue Flight attendant would have been used to bags bouncing off his face.