Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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When Barack Obama was giving his speech after being elected as president, he had to do it behind three inch thick bullet-proof glass. I thought that was a bit harsh - just because he's black doesn't mean he's going to shoot anyone. 
Everything is made in China, Except for babies, They're made in the VaChina
Kentucky: Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names
Lets just say I like my milk without the chunks. Don't ask me how I know this.
I Love People Who Find It Easy To Agree With Me But I Respect The People Who Can Muster The Courage & The Balls To Disagree With Me!!
Someone asked me for my email address today, I don't know, I never email myself!!!
What were the Beckhams thinking, calling their baby girl Harper Seven? If she'd been born 15 minutes later she could have been Kwarta Eight LOL
My Kid Got Your Honor Roll Student Pregnant.
That moment of panic when you accidentally hurt someone else's child and the parents are in the next room
People make life so hard. smile be happy. hold no grudges. and have sex
You can always tell when a blonde has used a vibrator... Her front teeth are broken!
Volvos are one of the safest vehicles on the road. Thats why I got my wife a Ford Explorer.
my new GF may be short but I'm nuts over her!
High on life and also a tiny bit of paint.
*Spoiler Alert* Tonight's State of the Union address will go as follows; There are no jobs,gas prices are outrageous, crime is on the rise, and the economy still SUCKS....THE END!
Ladies, if you have to stand in front of us picking you underware out of your butt you might want to consider jeans that aren't so tight they require us to watch that type of nastiness...
The sign it Said wet floor, So I did.
“Facebook is the people you went to school with. Twitter is the people you wished you went to school with.”
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Dominos selling subs is like Subway selling pizzas, stop it. Nothing is gonna make us forget that your pizza tastes like crap. 