Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon It doesn't matter what your conversation candy hearts say, as long as you remembered to soak them overnight in Rohypnol.
←Rate | 02-14-2012 15:25 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Am I the only one that finds it ironic that only one company is allowed to make the game Monopoly...
←Rate | 02-19-2012 13:36 by migasjoe Comments (0)  


   messageicon If we take away those long rods gas stations use to change their signs, gas prices will never go up again. YOU'RE WELCOME.
←Rate | 02-29-2012 10:32 by SuthernFukr Comments (2)  


   messageicon Ok, my friends list is now exactly at 1.000 people! I'm not adding anymore. New request will be forwarded to the Hosni Mubarak's facebook page, because the poor guy has 0 friends!
←Rate | 01-31-2011 00:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't be a drag, just be a queen.
←Rate | 02-11-2011 19:04 by iamthehcampion Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not addicted to Facebook. I only tweet when I have time: lunch time, break time, off time, this time, that time, any time, all the time.
←Rate | 09-06-2011 14:56 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon thinking about landscaping the back yard with fake Easter grass.
←Rate | 04-23-2011 18:46 by punkie Comments (0)  


   messageicon your teeth are like the stars - yellow and far away from eachother
←Rate | 04-29-2011 21:10 by Surge Yarmolyuk Comments (0)  


   messageicon You're always like a "deer in the headlights" when you look at the menu at Dairy Queen....You just don't know what to get.
←Rate | 05-07-2011 15:31 by Danmanz Comments (0)  


   messageicon I saw the new Limited Edition Divorce Barbie on ebay tonight, it comes with all Ken's stuff!
←Rate | 05-13-2011 01:28 by khoperoberts Comments (0)  


   messageicon A Hickey from Kenicki is like a hallmark card...when you care enough to send the very best!! RIP JEFF CONWAY!!!
←Rate | 05-27-2011 18:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Life is a puzzle. Stop trying to place people where they don't fit.
←Rate | 06-03-2011 14:42 by Surge Yarmolyuk Comments (0)  


   messageicon ThatMomentOfPanic as a kid when one of your parents is coming at you with a belt..................."Do I stay or do I run!!!"
←Rate | 06-04-2011 19:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why is it so hard to find a soothsayer in this day and age?!
←Rate | 06-15-2011 17:46 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Jeremy Kyle show........ The only place a baby has more teeth than all 4 of it's parents put together
←Rate | 09-12-2011 08:59 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  


   messageicon My life is like this. I need a spoon but the only thing they offer are chopsticks.
←Rate | 09-13-2011 18:21 by ff1241 Comments (0)  


   messageicon i wish my shower at home had a knob for a "spot free rinse".
←Rate | 09-15-2011 21:44 by ishnae Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you focus on results, you will never change. If you focus on change, you will get results
←Rate | 09-19-2011 12:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon They say to call your doctor if you've had an erection from these pills for more than four hours... but what if your doctor is ugly?
←Rate | 10-08-2011 21:31 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon thinks it's hilarious that some people see any comparison at all between Wall St protesters freely demonstrating and slavery.
←Rate | 10-09-2011 17:03 Comments (0)  




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