Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 3038 of 6446

It doesn't matter what your conversation candy hearts say, as long as you remembered to soak them overnight in Rohypnol.

Am I the only one that finds it ironic that only one company is allowed to make the game Monopoly...
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02-19-2012 13:36 by migasjoe
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If we take away those long rods gas stations use to change their signs, gas prices will never go up again. YOU'RE WELCOME.

Ok, my friends list is now exactly at 1.000 people! I'm not adding anymore. New request will be forwarded to the Hosni Mubarak's facebook page, because the poor guy has 0 friends!
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01-31-2011 00:09
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Don't be a drag, just be a queen.

I'm not addicted to Facebook. I only tweet when I have time: lunch time, break time, off time, this time, that time, any time, all the time.
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09-06-2011 14:56 by BEGO
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thinking about landscaping the back yard with fake Easter grass.
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04-23-2011 18:46 by punkie
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your teeth are like the stars - yellow and far away from eachother

You're always like a "deer in the headlights" when you look at the menu at Dairy Queen....You just don't know what to get.
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05-07-2011 15:31 by Danmanz
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I saw the new Limited Edition Divorce Barbie on ebay tonight, it comes with all Ken's stuff!

A Hickey from Kenicki is like a hallmark card...when you care enough to send the very best!! RIP JEFF CONWAY!!!
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05-27-2011 18:32
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Life is a puzzle. Stop trying to place people where they don't fit.

ThatMomentOfPanic as a kid when one of your parents is coming at you with a belt..................."Do I stay or do I run!!!"
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06-04-2011 19:19
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Why is it so hard to find a soothsayer in this day and age?!
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06-15-2011 17:46 by flinnie
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The Jeremy Kyle show........ The only place a baby has more teeth than all 4 of it's parents put together
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09-12-2011 08:59 by @clarkysj
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My life is like this. I need a spoon but the only thing they offer are chopsticks.
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09-13-2011 18:21 by ff1241
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i wish my shower at home had a knob for a "spot free rinse".
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09-15-2011 21:44 by ishnae
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If you focus on results, you will never change. If you focus on change, you will get results
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09-19-2011 12:20
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They say to call your doctor if you've had an erection from these pills for more than four hours... but what if your doctor is ugly?

thinks it's hilarious that some people see any comparison at all between Wall St protesters freely demonstrating and slavery.
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10-09-2011 17:03
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