Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Oh so now I'm invisible to you? That's cool. I've always wanted a superpower.
←Rate | 01-08-2012 20:25 by @OMFG_Rel8able Comments (0)  


   messageicon The phrase, "Don't take this the wrong way" has a zero percent success rate
←Rate | 04-18-2012 17:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates.
←Rate | 04-21-2012 11:41 by @iJokes Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just saw a woman lick her Cell Phone screen. I'm assuming to clean it since I don't know where she would've gotten any pics of me!
←Rate | 05-15-2012 23:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ebonics 101:"Free my Ni**A"= although he did commit a crime that is against the law ..release him from jail because he is my friend
←Rate | 05-24-2012 14:33 by milsfinest Comments (0)  


   messageicon My favorite sexual position is "Leaving".
←Rate | 10-15-2011 12:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon second guessed over 80% of the decisions that I have made in life. Maybe 90%.
←Rate | 10-17-2011 13:31 by hoosiergatorfan Comments (0)  


   messageicon I really, really, really enjoy watching people cry when they get sent home on X Factor. I smile everytime the tears fall.
←Rate | 10-19-2011 01:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sex is like a restaurent: Sometimes you get great service, Sometimes you get poor service, and sometimes you get self service.
←Rate | 11-14-2011 16:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't you love it when your iPod is about to fall, and your earphones save it's life?
←Rate | 06-13-2012 19:44 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon Afroman was going to make another cd....but then he got high.
←Rate | 06-15-2012 17:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I want to get to know you better like, Do you have any cake? What kind of cookies do you bake? & Where do you keep these cookies & cake?
←Rate | 06-18-2012 11:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I bet Abraham Lincoln killing vampires isn't half as good as the movie I just made up about Bill Clinton beaver Destroyer.
←Rate | 06-20-2012 17:58 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am an Illegal! I came to take your job. But you don't have one to take!!!
←Rate | 07-12-2012 13:45 by Abraham Lincoln Comments (0)  


   messageicon The 4 most popular words after sh!tty sex: “I cheated for this?”
←Rate | 03-10-2012 12:40 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Corned beef and cabbage. Proof that drunk people really will eat anything.
←Rate | 03-13-2012 19:31 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon How to wash dishes: 1. Place dirty plates and silverware in the sink. 2. Wait.
←Rate | 04-09-2012 02:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My new girlfriend really takes my breath away.... She's inflatable.
←Rate | 04-12-2012 01:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I didn't call you fat; I said wicker furniture normally doesn't scream like that.
←Rate | 04-15-2012 19:00 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon ~~ S.I.N.G.L.E = (S)tress (I)s (N)ow (G)one, (L)oser (E)radicated. 
←Rate | 02-06-2012 19:16 by BEGO Comments (0)  




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