Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 3037 of 6446

Oh so now I'm invisible to you? That's cool. I've always wanted a superpower.

The phrase, "Don't take this the wrong way" has a zero percent success rate
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04-18-2012 17:13
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The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates.
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04-21-2012 11:41 by @iJokes
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I just saw a woman lick her Cell Phone screen. I'm assuming to clean it since I don't know where she would've gotten any pics of me!
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05-15-2012 23:46
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Ebonics 101:"Free my Ni**A"= although he did commit a crime that is against the law ..release him from jail because he is my friend

My favorite sexual position is "Leaving".
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10-15-2011 12:54
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second guessed over 80% of the decisions that I have made in life. Maybe 90%.

I really, really, really enjoy watching people cry when they get sent home on X Factor. I smile everytime the tears fall.
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10-19-2011 01:20
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Sex is like a restaurent: Sometimes you get great service, Sometimes you get poor service, and sometimes you get self service.
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11-14-2011 16:53
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Don't you love it when your iPod is about to fall, and your earphones save it's life?

Afroman was going to make another cd....but then he got high.
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06-15-2012 17:33
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I want to get to know you better like, Do you have any cake? What kind of cookies do you bake? & Where do you keep these cookies & cake?
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06-18-2012 11:16
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I bet Abraham Lincoln killing vampires isn't half as good as the movie I just made up about Bill Clinton beaver Destroyer.

I am an Illegal! I came to take your job. But you don't have one to take!!!

The 4 most popular words after sh!tty sex: “I cheated for this?”
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03-10-2012 12:40 by Baddie
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Corned beef and cabbage. Proof that drunk people really will eat anything.
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03-13-2012 19:31 by flinnie
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How to wash dishes: 1. Place dirty plates and silverware in the sink. 2. Wait.
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04-09-2012 02:09
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My new girlfriend really takes my breath away.... She's inflatable.
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04-12-2012 01:46
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I didn't call you fat; I said wicker furniture normally doesn't scream like that.

~~ S.I.N.G.L.E = (S)tress (I)s (N)ow (G)one, (L)oser (E)radicated.
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02-06-2012 19:16 by BEGO
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