Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Status message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or Whatsapp profile.

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   messageicon Everytime I see "ROFL"... I think of Scooby Doo trying to say "waffle".
←Rate | 04-06-2012 09:29 by flinnie Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Thank you for calling Dell Customer Support. How may I help you?" "Transfer me to an American or I am switching to Macs."
←Rate | 04-15-2012 15:41 by FishTheNuke Comments (0)  

   messageicon Pre-ejaculatory fluid - It's a sign of things to come.
←Rate | 04-28-2012 12:16 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When I die I'm gonna become a ghost & watch attractive people shower.
←Rate | 05-01-2012 21:44 by BEGO Comments (0)  

   messageicon CNN: The most "rusted name in news".
←Rate | 10-14-2011 17:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Life's short... Find someone to spend it with
←Rate | 10-23-2011 01:30 by stan bednarchyk Comments (0)  

   messageicon “Can I use your phone to call my mom?” “Yeah, just hit redial…
←Rate | 01-20-2012 23:55 by @OMFG_Rel8able Comments (0)  

   messageicon TWILIGHT: Happy Bella- •_• Sad Bella- •_• Excited Bella- •_• Angry Bella- •_• Shocked Bella- •_• Confused Bella- •_•
←Rate | 02-12-2012 23:28 by Davi Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you put a finger in your ear and scratch, it sounds like Pacman.
←Rate | 02-28-2012 18:47 by crzyrd Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you have likes on all your pictures by the same person>>>>>>>you have a stalker
←Rate | 03-04-2012 15:32 by milsfinest Comments (0)  

   messageicon There's no b, c, d, f, g, h, j, k, l, n, o, p, q, r, s, u, v, w, x, y, or z in team either.
←Rate | 06-04-2012 16:03 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  

   messageicon Come on guys and gals!!! There are people who visit every day who rely on us!!!
←Rate | 06-14-2012 22:15 by Steve OH Comments (0)  

   messageicon Every time I fart, I like to pretend a genie appears and grants me wishes but then people look at me weird for talking to my asshole.
←Rate | 03-13-2012 10:08 by @ericroflmao Comments (0)  

   messageicon The hookers in NY are now offering a "Tebow" special. For an extra $50, you get to experience a second coming.
←Rate | 03-22-2012 13:39 Comments (0)  

   messageicon When I was a kid, I used to close the fridge door slowly just to see when the light turned off.
←Rate | 03-27-2012 21:56 by BEGO Comments (0)  

   messageicon What is invisible and smells like bananas? Monkey Farts.
←Rate | 03-29-2012 18:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You don't know the difference between "your" and "you're?" It's the difference between knowing your sh!t and knowing you're shi!.
←Rate | 04-08-2012 20:29 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon We have all imagined walking away from an explosion in slow motion while putting sunglasses on.
←Rate | 12-04-2011 03:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon But all that aside Mrs. did you enjoy the play?
←Rate | 07-10-2013 17:41 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don’t care what people think of me… At least mosquitoes find me attractive.
←Rate | 08-04-2013 21:42 by BEGO Comments (0)  

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