Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Status message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.

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   messageicon Science is for people who like to think about what's being told. Religion is for people who like to be told what to think.
←Rate | 10-18-2013 02:54 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Michael J. Fox etch-a-sketched the entire New York City skyline in 4 seconds.
←Rate | 08-14-2013 15:04 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon Alcohol. Because no good story starts with, “This one time I ate a salad…”
←Rate | 09-03-2012 14:16 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  

   messageicon Clinton passed a law disarming soldiers on bases. Makes total sense right?
←Rate | 07-16-2015 23:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I am an agnostic. I have no problem with any faith...unless that faith tries to impose laws on me based on their faith. Then we have a problem.
←Rate | 08-25-2014 00:25 Comments (0)  

   messageicon allowed to talk about fight club
←Rate | 03-31-2009 13:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon wanna go halves on a baby?
←Rate | 11-03-2009 09:51 Comments (0)  

   messageicon So gingivitis isn't the fear of redheads?
←Rate | 08-26-2010 16:40 by MBH Comments (0)  

   messageicon Nothing witty to be posted.....(wait for it) :|
←Rate | 09-10-2010 07:07 by instructor4802 Comments (0)  

   messageicon it even possible to calmly walk away from a dark basement?
←Rate | 10-12-2010 05:58 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon how are you supposed to read lady gaga's po po po po poker face, if it's all covered up with all that wierd cr*p?
←Rate | 12-01-2009 22:50 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I won't stand for gossip. I prefer to sit down and make myself comfortable.
←Rate | 02-21-2010 11:36 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine.
←Rate | 06-19-2010 19:35 by Aaron Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'll stop at nothing to avoid using negative numbers.
←Rate | 11-21-2010 19:08 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon @ TSA: Can't see London, can't see France, unless we see your underpants. Grope discounts available.
←Rate | 11-23-2010 16:30 Comments (0)  

   messageicon why is the butter always in the back of the fridge??
←Rate | 08-03-2010 17:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon watching day after tomorrow and the news at the same time. its almost like watching the same thing!!!
←Rate | 08-27-2011 16:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I might be your ex but I'm better than your next.
←Rate | 08-31-2011 04:16 Comments (0)  

   messageicon It sucks when you're on Facebook, and you see people having more fun in their lives than you do.
←Rate | 09-05-2011 04:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My one and only wish is for all the pretty lesbians to turn straight and all the ugly lesbians to remain lesbians.
←Rate | 09-16-2011 03:34 Comments (0)  

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