Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon would like to buy a vowel.
←Rate | 12-03-2008 12:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My boss asked me to tell him a joke but I said I was too busy working. So we laughed and laughed...
←Rate | 12-12-2012 07:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon WARNING, PLEASE READ - I don't usually re-post these but... If someone comes to your front door, and asks you to remove your clothes, and dance in your front yard with your arms in the air.. DO NOT do this, it is a scam!! They just want to see you naked.
←Rate | 04-16-2011 22:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I told my dad off today. I said, “Dad, I'm a grown man so STOP TREATING ME LIKE A CHILD!” It worked. He gave me a juice box for standing up for myself.
←Rate | 09-07-2011 14:53 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)  

   messageicon What do you call a monkey thats always exploding? A ba-boom.
←Rate | 05-24-2011 13:14 by miz Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm sitting here wondering why my book '101 ways to kill a postman' still hasn't arrived.
←Rate | 06-17-2011 09:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I didn't slap you...I just high-fived your face :)
←Rate | 03-12-2011 12:14 by Seddy90 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I wonder if Sarah Palin can see the Olympics from her house.
←Rate | 02-10-2014 01:16 by Czovczov Comments (1)  

   messageicon Next Easter falls on 4/20. If that's not a sign from God that weed should be legalized, I don't know what is.
←Rate | 10-23-2013 12:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Police Station toilet stolen. Cops have nothing to go on.
←Rate | 12-11-2009 03:49 by Lemonpillow Comments (0)  

   messageicon I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.'
←Rate | 03-11-2010 01:30 by Mduduzi Comments (0)  

   messageicon If one drop of rain can find it's way to the ocean, one prayer can find it's way to God.
←Rate | 08-21-2011 03:29 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you're attacked by a mob of clowns, go for the juggler!
←Rate | 09-02-2011 17:17 by onecuwldood Comments (0)  

   messageicon Congratulations goes out to Kate Middleton. She just married Cap'n Crunch
←Rate | 04-29-2011 14:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon ...and thats how the U.S. outdoes a Royal Wedding.
←Rate | 05-03-2011 00:03 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon Oh, you lost your phone and it's on silent? That's too bad. If you liked it then you should've put a ring on it.
←Rate | 05-08-2013 06:32 by Huck Comments (0)  

   messageicon N*gger is now the white man's kryptonite
←Rate | 06-27-2013 11:06 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I got caught taking a pee in the local swimming pool today. The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.
←Rate | 08-13-2013 03:01 by danny boy Comments (0)  

   messageicon Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.
←Rate | 12-10-2010 12:24 by lol Comments (0)  

   messageicon Today, I made fun of my friend when she tripped over the curb. I said loudly "haha you can't even walk" I then noticed the man in the wheelchair a few feet ahead of us. FML
←Rate | 11-07-2009 01:29 Comments (0)  

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