Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Status message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or profile.

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   messageicon When you think about it, it's probably best not to think about it.
←Rate | 12-17-2012 15:42 by @topherjordan Comments (0)  

   messageicon Truthfully, my resume should state,, "when I feel like it" after every skill listed.
←Rate | 01-15-2013 17:08 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon College can make you stupid, just ask Manti Te'o.
←Rate | 01-19-2013 21:46 by Michael Malecki Comments (0)  

   messageicon OKAY!!! OKAY!!!...... We're prepared to meet ALL your demands!.................. Just put the sharpie on the floor, and kick it over to daddy.... Please, for the love of God,, Please?
←Rate | 01-30-2013 09:24 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon 49ers sort of have a deer antler in the headlights look......
←Rate | 02-03-2013 20:49 Comments (0)  

   messageicon thankful my kids taught me how to Copy and Paste...
←Rate | 11-22-2012 12:00 by Steve OH Comments (0)  

   messageicon gonna get a dog and name him naked so when people ask me where I'm going I can say I'm walking naked down the street
←Rate | 11-27-2012 09:33 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I have only had two loves in my life: Booze and something else
←Rate | 12-04-2012 08:50 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  

   messageicon I may not be as happy as you, but I make up for it with tequila and denying my problems exist.
←Rate | 12-05-2012 01:23 by Baddie Comments (0)  

   messageicon if silly bands make her dance... SHES TO YOUNG FOR YOU BRO
←Rate | 12-07-2012 20:22 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My main plan for success is that all the better people quit first.
←Rate | 12-10-2012 14:04 by JMartin Comments (0)  

   messageicon If we make a baby, I want his or her name to remind us of that magic night - besides, how many other Doggystyle Rumplemintz Daniels can there be?
←Rate | 12-11-2012 00:39 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  

   messageicon 1..2..3.. SMILE! "...... "did you take it yet?" "crap its on video!"
←Rate | 09-05-2012 08:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Coffee makes the world go round; love only populates it!
←Rate | 09-27-2012 02:49 by Czovczov Comments (0)  

   messageicon I named my truck Karma, so if I ever run someone over I can say: Yeah…it was Karma.
←Rate | 10-10-2012 13:32 Comments (0)  

   messageicon when I was little not only did I have to walk to dad would drive by and flip me off.
←Rate | 10-13-2012 15:29 by Baddie Comments (0)  

   messageicon Ironically it's the things people don't say that tell you everything you need to know.
←Rate | 10-16-2012 20:48 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  

   messageicon Today,,,, I feel like I need the vulgarity expansion pack for autocorrect
←Rate | 10-21-2012 08:36 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon I can never invite the neighbors into my house because they might recognize their stuff.
←Rate | 04-15-2013 14:35 by Czovczov Comments (0)  

   messageicon The ironic part about killing time is that it's slowly killing you.
←Rate | 04-30-2013 23:37 Comments (0)  

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