Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon My girlfriend has a weird fetish, she likes to dress up like herself and act like a b!tch every night.
←Rate | 10-26-2010 17:11 by A is for ME Comments (0)  


   messageicon My neighbor was bit by a stray rabid dog. I went to see how he was and found him writing frantically. I told him rabies could be cured and he didn't have to worry about a Will. He said, "Will?!? What Will? I'm making a list of the people I wanna bite."
←Rate | 12-28-2010 18:27 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sitting here, eating my Klondike bar, thinking....."I can't frickin believe I just did that!!"
←Rate | 01-05-2011 01:30 Comments (1)  


   messageicon This is pure snow! Do you know what the street value of this mountain is?!
←Rate | 01-08-2011 12:20 Comments (1)  


   messageicon throws his hand up and pretends he's on a roller-coaster whenever the plane takes off.
←Rate | 01-22-2011 13:14 by Steve OH Comments (0)  


   messageicon OMG Starbucks is raising the cost of coffees/lattes by another 10 cents..I cant afford it anymore!!!!!!!!! $ 4.50 was the highest I could pay !!!!
←Rate | 01-05-2012 12:40 by Pat Giovanni Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'd go out more if I could bring my dog, b0ng, couch, and blanket with me.
←Rate | 01-09-2012 15:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Dear life, When I said "can my day get any worse?" it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge."
←Rate | 01-14-2012 12:24 by flipphonescott Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just choked down three bites of a gas station hot dog and now I have 7 kinds of ass cancer.
←Rate | 01-23-2012 15:26 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just ate a roast beef, ham, chicken, turkey, bologna sandwich topped with bacon...Just to piss Peta off.
←Rate | 10-24-2011 21:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon One day I shall rule the World! Until then, I'm going to bed
←Rate | 10-30-2011 23:26 by @OMFG_Rel8able Comments (0)  


   messageicon When people start a sentence with "Do you know what your problem is?" I interrupt and start telling them all my problems. They never expect that!
←Rate | 11-03-2011 14:24 by Slasher Comments (0)  


   messageicon Happy Mothers Day to all of you moms and single moms. Also, if any of you women are looking to be a mom; hit me up on the DM.
←Rate | 05-13-2012 17:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Timex and Tampax should get together and invent something to let guys know its her time of the month.
←Rate | 06-05-2012 14:18 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon For as little as $1 a day,,,, You can feed a family of 5 ducks chunks of bread down at your local pond.
←Rate | 06-10-2012 20:16 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Girls want a guy who is "funny and spontaneous", but when I tap on a girls window at night dressed as a clown, she flips out!
←Rate | 06-25-2012 22:04 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon Police Officer: "How high are you?" Stoner: "No officer, it's "Hi, How are you?"
←Rate | 07-12-2012 22:22 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon There's only two ways to start your drive thru order: Hi I'd like to order or Lemme get a uhhh
←Rate | 04-06-2012 09:27 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I sent that b!tch a smiley face. B!tches LOVE smiley faces
←Rate | 04-12-2012 22:52 by charliemurphy Comments (0)  


   messageicon To show you all how much I care...this Valentines's I've randomly scattered bouquets of flowers around local cemetaries for you to find...Happy Valentines Day!...
←Rate | 02-14-2012 08:48 Comments (0)  




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