Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon How many selfies does it take to fill the emotional blackhole in a person's life?
←Rate | 10-23-2013 17:59 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The difference between bison and buffalo is simple... The ones that have useless little wings are buffalo.
←Rate | 10-26-2013 18:15 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon To drink or not to drink!? What a stupid question!
←Rate | 11-22-2013 12:50 by YODA Comments (0)  

   messageicon When I hear the phrase 'going viral' I automatically assume herpes is involved at some point.
←Rate | 11-24-2013 10:07 by Czovczov Comments (0)  

   messageicon I ran to the liquor store minutes before it closed!! **crosses "Run Marathon" off of my bucket list**
←Rate | 11-25-2013 21:15 by BigSarge Comments (0)  

   messageicon The worst part about watching The Food Network while my mother in law tries to follow their recipes during the Holidays is the sad fact that they don't deliver.
←Rate | 11-27-2013 23:50 by Jiffy Pop Comments (0)  

   messageicon Everyone criticizes the Salem Witch Trials, but we haven’t had a witch attack in over 200 years.
←Rate | 02-10-2016 08:40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Twinkle twinkle little whore, close your legs they're not a door.
←Rate | 02-15-2016 03:53 Comments (0)  

   messageicon No Romney, we haven't forgotten about what you did to all those businesses with Bain Capital or your "binders full of women."
←Rate | 03-05-2016 23:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Somewhere between Jesus dying on the cross and a giant bunny hiding eggs there seems to be a huge gap of information.
←Rate | 03-19-2016 15:04 Comments (1)  

   messageicon Demonstrators storm the US embassy in Yemen. Didn't Samuel L. Jackson already make a movie about this?
←Rate | 09-13-2012 07:06 by gil Comments (0)  

   messageicon I am woman. Hear me talk. And talk. And talk. And talk.
←Rate | 09-15-2012 06:11 by Baddie Comments (0)  

   messageicon Come to me dirty money, I will wash you clean.
←Rate | 09-18-2012 05:09 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My ex-girlfriend walked past me today and didn't even notice I was there. I must be getting better at this stalking business.
←Rate | 10-08-2012 11:43 by @zubindalal1 Comments (0)  

   messageicon “Don't share your top secrets with anyone because if you yourself can't keep them, never expect that somebody else will.”
←Rate | 10-09-2012 03:52 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Masturbation is like math. You can always count on your fingers.
←Rate | 10-20-2012 12:37 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  

   messageicon brought to you the neighbor's router
←Rate | 10-24-2012 02:16 by Eddy Comments (0)  

   messageicon I never drink, I only disinfect internal injuries.
←Rate | 03-06-2013 09:55 by Blue Comments (0)  

   messageicon I took Nyquil and Dayquil. I forgot how to tell time.
←Rate | 04-04-2013 22:00 by MTQ Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just got caught stealing a book, I explained that I'm dyslexic & thought it was the 'help self' section.
←Rate | 07-14-2012 08:09 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  

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