Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Facebook friends: People I know - 75% People I talk to - 20% Real friends - 5%

   I wish that Hallmark would make a card that says, “Sorry, what was your name again?”

   I may be getting older but that's no reason to grow up.

   I think I have become addicted to interventions. Good luck with that one, friends and family!

   so....unfortunately....I put the "tiny" in "Is it in yet?" :(

   A little bit of me dies every time I see one of you post a quote that you obviously don't actually live by.

   National back to being miserable couples day

   Laughter is the Best,,,,,,,,, Way to get the judge to reduce your sentence..☺

   Every man should have a bar where everybody knows your beer.

   Alcohol preserves everything except secrets.

   I'm like God to this girl. I'm always watching her...... & she's never seen me. - Stalker

   REMEMBER: no matter how fast you run, michael myers will walk faster. -.-

   I know how to spell, so why do my words make no sense when I try to verbally spell something for a friend?!

   Dear Chubby kids chasing me,this is my way of helping cure Obesity...Sincerly,the Ice Cream Truck Driver.

   I could tell you to go f yourself but I am afraid you will ask for directions.

   You are so SMART with your words , but so DUMB with your actions .

   If at fist you don't succeed, Google it, and see if someone else screwed it up the way you did.

   the earlier you start doing anything in your life, the less it affects you as you grow older...

   In Whiskey and Women… The young ones are fine, but I prefer the older ones — well aged and full-bodied.

   motocross boots...check, full face helmet...check, padded gloves and pants....check, Ginormous Big Wheel..check!