Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Status message updates and sayings for your Facebook, Twitter, or Whatsapp profile.

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   messageicon [In the gym] hey guys it'd be a lot easier to lift these weights if we worked together
←Rate | 11-03-2014 08:13 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  

   messageicon These feelings would go well with vodka.
←Rate | 11-16-2014 12:17 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My cat sucks at staring contests!
←Rate | 11-18-2014 23:34 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My wife gives great head...ache.
←Rate | 12-31-2013 10:35 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Till - when we get bored with each other and what used to be cute now makes us feel homicidal rage - do us part
←Rate | 12-31-2013 13:03 Comments (0)  

   messageicon ving a PT Cruiser says, "I made a 25 thousand dollar mistake in 2002."
←Rate | 01-17-2014 11:43 by SEAN Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you rim your margarita glass with pink Himalayan Salt it becomes health food right?
←Rate | 01-17-2014 13:43 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I used to have an attitude problem. I broke up with her about a year ago.
←Rate | 01-19-2014 10:41 by Baddie Comments (0)  

   messageicon Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don't laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions.
←Rate | 01-31-2014 00:31 Comments (0)  

   messageicon The first rule of chess club: If you've ever seen a boob you're the hero of chess club.
←Rate | 02-02-2014 08:04 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon Tried Gordon Ramseys diet tip tonight: cooking with whisky! It worked!!! After 5 glasses, I forgot why I was in the kitchen
←Rate | 02-04-2014 04:44 by Jos Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don't know about Todd's wife being fridged, but her snatch must be giant, cause I swear, his post had an echo!
←Rate | 02-05-2014 09:26 Comments (0)  

   messageicon 9/10 of the spelling
←Rate | 02-19-2014 10:32 by Daheavy1 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Patiently waiting for the Pro zac to kick in so I can start my day....Ok, Maybe NOT patiently!!!
←Rate | 02-22-2014 08:57 by MWC Comments (0)  

   messageicon I have white friends, but not " Excuse me Sir. You dropped your wallet." white friends.
←Rate | 03-05-2014 12:01 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Jokes on you Lent,,, I already gave up.
←Rate | 03-06-2014 18:26 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon When we're chatting on fb, and I start saying things like, "well, okay", "gotta run", "have a great day", it was great talking to you"...what that means is: SHUT THE F**K UP ALREADY!
←Rate | 03-10-2014 10:11 by Mick Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm tired of doing math. I guess I'll get my lazy as up and fix my clocks today
←Rate | 03-13-2014 10:42 Comments (0)  

   messageicon never kill hope in your beloved ones; sometimes it's the only treasure they have.
←Rate | 03-16-2014 04:21 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Money is not everything. There's also MasterCard & Visa.
←Rate | 03-21-2014 08:06 by MWC Comments (0)  

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