Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Facebook friends: People I know - 75% People I talk to - 20% Real friends - 5%
←Rate | 05-16-2012 13:54 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I wish that Hallmark would make a card that says, “Sorry, what was your name again?”
←Rate | 05-22-2012 09:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I may be getting older but that's no reason to grow up.
←Rate | 05-27-2012 22:21 by @kraziedavid909 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I think I have become addicted to interventions. Good luck with that one, friends and family!
←Rate | 05-31-2012 10:09 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  

   messageicon so....unfortunately....I put the "tiny" in "Is it in yet?" :(
←Rate | 02-09-2012 14:54 by Slickpony Comments (0)  

   messageicon A little bit of me dies every time I see one of you post a quote that you obviously don't actually live by.
←Rate | 02-14-2012 00:15 Comments (0)  

   messageicon National back to being miserable couples day
←Rate | 02-15-2012 12:30 by Jon Comments (0)  

   messageicon Laughter is the Best,,,,,,,,, Way to get the judge to reduce your sentence..☺
←Rate | 02-25-2012 14:56 by snotty Comments (0)  

   messageicon Every man should have a bar where everybody knows your beer.
←Rate | 02-26-2012 06:55 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Alcohol preserves everything except secrets.
←Rate | 02-27-2012 09:47 by Czovczov Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm like God to this girl. I'm always watching her...... & she's never seen me. - Stalker
←Rate | 02-28-2012 12:19 by PAL Comments (0)  

   messageicon REMEMBER: no matter how fast you run, michael myers will walk faster. -.-
←Rate | 03-02-2012 14:58 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I know how to spell, so why do my words make no sense when I try to verbally spell something for a friend?!
←Rate | 11-17-2011 02:20 by Nate004 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dear Chubby kids chasing me,this is my way of helping cure Obesity...Sincerly,the Ice Cream Truck Driver.
←Rate | 11-28-2011 12:47 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I could tell you to go f yourself but I am afraid you will ask for directions.
←Rate | 11-28-2011 14:20 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You are so SMART with your words , but so DUMB with your actions .
←Rate | 12-15-2011 03:03 Comments (0)  

   messageicon If at fist you don't succeed, Google it, and see if someone else screwed it up the way you did.
←Rate | 12-20-2011 01:05 Comments (0)  

   messageicon the earlier you start doing anything in your life, the less it affects you as you grow older...
←Rate | 03-06-2012 07:07 by apoklypz Comments (0)  

   messageicon In Whiskey and Women… The young ones are fine, but I prefer the older ones — well aged and full-bodied.
←Rate | 03-11-2012 12:44 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  

   messageicon motocross boots...check, full face helmet...check, padded gloves and pants....check, Ginormous Big Wheel..check!
←Rate | 03-21-2012 00:17 Comments (0)  

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