Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny status message updates for FaceBook or Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |   Oldest   |   Rating
Filter On | Filter Off | No Trump


Search Messages:
Page: 3010 of 5775

   messageicon It's not fair to blame Pizza Hut for my weight gain. It was more of a Domino effect.
←Rate | 08-24-2011 18:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm at the Bill Murray decides to join the army point of my life.
←Rate | 09-06-2011 18:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind." :)
←Rate | 09-08-2011 16:21 by JB Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're talking on your cell phone in a public bathroom, don't get mad at me when I flush the toilet over and over so your friend knows *exactly* where you are.
←Rate | 06-03-2011 17:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon how much money should you give a homeless guy doing the Captain Morgan pose?
←Rate | 06-11-2011 13:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon old enough to remember when MTV wasn't just a camera someone left on in a trailer home.
←Rate | 07-22-2011 18:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Never say never......or too much......or schumoblagaghadazjy, because that's hard to pronounce and doesn't mean anything.
←Rate | 08-02-2011 11:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The christmas nativity play was cancelled. Not due to religious reasons, but because they couldn't find 3 wise men and a virgin
←Rate | 12-24-2010 13:10 by @arha Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Government, disco died, please update your hold music.
←Rate | 01-03-2011 10:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am addicted to updating my Facebook status. The first step is admitting I have a problem, right??
←Rate | 01-21-2011 21:41 by Jen Comments (0)  


   messageicon am I the only one who gets the urge to kick small children when I see them walking really slowly in front of me?
←Rate | 10-23-2010 13:40 by ANGELA Comments (0)  


   messageicon wonders how come so many people "Roll On The Floor *Laughing*" (ROTFL)? If I'm rolling on the floor, it's usually because I'm on fire. Send help.
←Rate | 10-23-2010 19:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Breaking News: The National Weather Center has issued a tornado warning for Chattanooga TN. For your own safety head to Neyland Stadium in Knoxville, they're not worried about a touchdown there.......
←Rate | 10-27-2010 12:44 by doc Noland Comments (1)  


   messageicon was so surprise when I was born that I didn't talk for a year and a half.
←Rate | 10-16-2009 12:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon hates people who are willing to get off their a** to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
←Rate | 11-12-2009 11:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Warning for all you weekend basketball league playing guys: Be leary of the guy who smacks you on the butt and says "Nice shot, man!" when you didn't even take a shot...
←Rate | 11-20-2009 09:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon who you love is a reflection of how you love yourself...
←Rate | 08-02-2010 15:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Today is the day we remember there is evil in the world......
←Rate | 09-11-2010 18:32 Comments (3)  


   messageicon I hate rich people who think they are above and better than the poor and middle class,hey people when your gone they'll use manure on your grave just like mine
←Rate | 09-14-2010 21:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon never thought he'd be staring at boobs on sesame street….sweet.
←Rate | 09-26-2010 23:47 Comments (0)  


Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left