Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 3002 of 6446

I wonder if cows refer to their sons as cowboys.
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05-23-2010 12:28 by Joser
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I took my dog for a walk and played Frisbee with him, but he was useless. I really need to get a flatter dog.
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05-25-2010 18:30 by Joser
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more people should be less like most people.
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05-29-2010 17:04
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I am not a control freak. I prefer the term "predictability enthusiast".
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06-01-2010 22:06 by Joser
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Since Facebook came into my life I have completely neglected MySpace. This must be what parents feel like when they have a second child.

Why is it one you always wish for is out there somewhere...just waiting for the right time for you both to meet..and it will happen when you least expect it... :)
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06-13-2010 23:29 by BEGO
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insecure and naturally picks on those who are weaker than himself to give him some demented sense of self worth.
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12-14-2009 22:29 by joe fool
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actually an antidepressant... X must be taken every night before bedtime... But X may cause lightheadeness, a sense of euphoria, and an incontrollable urge to repeat the word yes... X is not for everyone... Ask your doctor if X is right for you...
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02-03-2010 20:26 by Paul
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Either you're in or you're out! There's no in-between. . . unless you are doing the Hokie Pokie
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02-12-2010 18:17 by CoB
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faling for someone... or it might be gas.... It's been so long I can't tell the difference...
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03-04-2010 13:58 by El Pelon
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if you want to kill a circus act, you've got to go for the juggler.
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03-04-2010 21:27
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If Gluttony really is a sin, according to a recent poll, 67% of Americans are going straight to hell.
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07-02-2010 17:25 by Tracy
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I always knew looking back on the tears would make me laugh, but I never knew looking back on the laughs would make me cry."
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07-07-2010 08:58
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Iron man is a superhero...iron woman is a command
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07-11-2010 15:24 by chris
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Plano TX, where guys show up in ed hardy T- shirts glittered up, fake bake tan, dragon ball z hair, wearing sunglasses indoors. Thank you for making meeting women so easy for me.

BREAKING NEWS: Brett Favre sees his shadow. Six more weeks of retirement speculation ahead
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08-04-2010 18:13
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Me refering to my buddy's newborn baby: He's so tiny... Him: You should see the balls on him.
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08-23-2010 13:14 by MBH
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"Maybe later..." is a polite way of saying "Never"
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09-01-2010 18:56 by MBH
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you know you are on facebook too much if there are no new status message since the last time you logged in..and you have over 700 friends
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09-10-2010 08:43
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If you are never scared, embarrassed or hurt, it means you never take chances.
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09-15-2010 18:02
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