Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   thinks Larry King has used up 8 of his 9 wives....

   If women did not exist, all of the money in the world would have no meaning.

   I'm pretty damn sure me wife is in the 33% of the married women who claim their pets are better listeners than their husbands - last night I saw the cat desparately going through my draw, may be trying to find my noise cancellation headphones !!!

   Richard Blumenthal clarifies - he served at 'Vie et Nam' a restaurant in Greenwich

   I wonder if cows refer to their sons as cowboys.

   I took my dog for a walk and played Frisbee with him, but he was useless. I really need to get a flatter dog.

   more people should be less like most people.

   I am not a control freak. I prefer the term "predictability enthusiast".

   Since Facebook came into my life I have completely neglected MySpace. This must be what parents feel like when they have a second child.

   Why is it one you always wish for is out there somewhere...just waiting for the right time for you both to meet..and it will happen when you least expect it... :)

   insecure and naturally picks on those who are weaker than himself to give him some demented sense of self worth.

   actually an antidepressant... X must be taken every night before bedtime... But X may cause lightheadeness, a sense of euphoria, and an incontrollable urge to repeat the word yes... X is not for everyone... Ask your doctor if X is right for you...

   Either you're in or you're out! There's no in-between. . . unless you are doing the Hokie Pokie

   faling for someone... or it might be gas.... It's been so long I can't tell the difference...

   if you want to kill a circus act, you've got to go for the juggler.

   If Gluttony really is a sin, according to a recent poll, 67% of Americans are going straight to hell.

   I always knew looking back on the tears would make me laugh, but I never knew looking back on the laughs would make me cry."

   Iron man is a superhero...iron woman is a command

   Plano TX, where guys show up in ed hardy T- shirts glittered up, fake bake tan, dragon ball z hair, wearing sunglasses indoors. Thank you for making meeting women so easy for me.

   BREAKING NEWS: Brett Favre sees his shadow. Six more weeks of retirement speculation ahead