Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I call my lovemaking technique the "Bond Martini" because it leaves women shaken, not stirred.

   A study found that trying on swimsuits made women feel objectified. Having a researcher in the changing room probably didn't help either.

   When I text you a massive paragraph and you reply 40 minutes later with 'K' Fu$k you

   Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra? A: Spot.

   The conversation between your fingers and someone else's skin is the most magnificent discussion you can ever have.

   A camp fire is alot like masterbation. As long as you have wood you can keep yourself entertained. But when its gone the fun is over.

   R.I.P. To The B$tches Dying For Attention

   I think we can all learn something from Rodney Kings death.....Never ever ever under any circumstances have a pool party with Robert Wagner!

   Confused the Facebook status box with Google search, and I don't have to go to any more family functions.

   thinking why the hell are people confusing Green Hornet and Green Lantern... The only similarity is the word "Green"...No wonder movies like "Vampire Sucks" and "Disaster Movie", is able to achieve number 1 status. -_-

   george washington owned a dodge charger---wikipedia

   a coincidence is only a coincidence if you don't have an open mind

   that you shouldn't base your life on what other people think!

   Dear politicians: don't kid yourself for a moment that I'll believe a single word you say in the next month. Seriously. Save your breath.

   When I am king, you will be first against the wall, With your opinion which is of no consequence at all.

   thinks Larry King has used up 8 of his 9 wives....

   I'm pretty damn sure me wife is in the 33% of the married women who claim their pets are better listeners than their husbands - last night I saw the cat desparately going through my draw, may be trying to find my noise cancellation headphones !!!

   Richard Blumenthal clarifies - he served at 'Vie et Nam' a restaurant in Greenwich

   I wonder if cows refer to their sons as cowboys.

   I took my dog for a walk and played Frisbee with him, but he was useless. I really need to get a flatter dog.