"new york" Funny Status Messages

   How great will it be when Trump steps up to the podium after accepting the Republican nomination and says "Live from New York, it's Saturday night"....

   The MSM claims national polls have Biden ahead by 14 points. By "national", they mean New York City, Chicago, Philadelphia, Los Angeles and cemeteries.

   I wish I loved anything as much as New Yorkers love to tell you they're from New York.

   In honor of Yankees Superstar Alex Rodriguez's 211 game suspension for steroid use, the city of New York has announced that it plans to name the Verazno-Narrows Bridge (The longest suspension bridge in the world) the "A-Rod Suspension Bridge."

   Yesterday the DEA raided several NFL teams suspected of giving prescription painkillers to their players. In its defense, the New York Jets’ doctor said, "We don't give painkillers to our players. We give them to our fans.

   Michael J. Fox etch-a-sketched the entire New York City skyline in 4 seconds.

   Fun Fact: In New York City it’s a Class A felony for a pizzeria to run out of pepperoni.

   The Vatican removed Bishop Sicola from New York from the final candidate list for the papacy...... Apparently they thought it wouldn't seem proper to address the new pontiff as ''Pope-si-cola.''

   The New York City protesters look like GOD picked up a Wallmart and dumped it on Wall Street.

   Looking forward to seeing New York the day after tommorrow. Sandy

   New York Times reports Neanderthals mated with humans thousands of years before "Jersey Shore."

   I saw a license plate yesterday that said "I miss New York", so I smashed their window and snatched their laptop.

   Go ahead and seceded, you will lose Hollywood and New York and you will gain Texas. YEE-HAW!

   If anyone believes Osama Bin Laden was really buried at sea, I have a bridge in New York I want to sell you.

   Wonder if they will take as long to clean up new York city as they did new Orleans????????

   The weather in New York is partly cloudy and warm...just like A-Rods urine sample

   I was on the phone earlier with a friend in upstate New York. We touched on the weather. She said, "It's wet, gloomy and mostly in the 40's. I said that sounds like my sƐx life.

   "I always try to go the extra mile for my customers" - New York City's most hated cab driver

   If Rudy Giuliani gets a divorce in New York, are he and his wife still cousins?

   Was visiting New York and asked someone, "How do I get to Carnegie hall?" The said, "Practice man, practice."