Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 2975 of 6446

I Wish 2010 Brings You 12 Months of Happiness,52 Weeks of Fun,365 Days of Success,8760 Hours of Good Health, 52600 Minutes of Good Luck and 3153600 Seconds of Joy!

Show me a man that doesn't cheat and I'll show you a woman who minds her own business
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03-16-2010 01:39 by @TeeWuu86
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Our FedEx guy keeps delivering diapers & formula but I didn't order any. And he cries when he holds the baby. Weird, huh?
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07-14-2012 12:42
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I'm allergic to tequila, I break out in handcuffs.
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10-25-2012 12:02 by Aaron
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here lies an athiest all dressed up and no where to go ....epitaph on tombstone....
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12-17-2012 12:12
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I'm so British that I stick my pinki out when I masturbate
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03-19-2015 15:19
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Man this is a tough supermarket. Sign above the register says "12 items or else".
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09-19-2013 11:15 by Huck
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Fact Checkers didn't exist until the truth started to get out.
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09-07-2020 11:38
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I think maybe I'll move to Lexington, VA, buy the Red Hen restaurant, and convert it into a Chick-fil-A.
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06-29-2018 07:22
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Hillary Clinton was caught telling the truth today.... April Fools!
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04-01-2017 17:36
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Does it make you wonder why the mooslims in congress are so upset we took out a killer
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01-04-2020 07:04
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Just bought some of that new Pelosi Vodka at the Liquor Store. It has no proof, either.
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10-01-2019 10:18
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Marijuana IS a gateway drug.. It leads to sweatpants and Cheetos.
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03-18-2012 21:41
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"H3y what r yhu dooinq?" ... About to throw a dictionary at your face.

Call it whatever you want... I'm still calling the Hummer H2, "The Douche Bag Container."
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12-09-2011 14:59
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why is Betty White singing at halftime of the Super Bowl??
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02-05-2012 21:09 by Migasjoe
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Get your facts right you big dummy: John F Kennedy was born in May 1917 and passed away in 1963. Do the math correctlyly.
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02-13-2012 06:39
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anyone else confuse the time with the radio station? sometimes I think I'm running late cause its already 105.9
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05-11-2012 01:35
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Just called the police on my GF, not for a crime, I just want them to remind her she has the right to remain silent
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08-15-2011 05:18
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A guy who takes his wife swimming at a shark infested beach when it's that time of the month has a hidden agenda.
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08-30-2011 09:51
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