Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I Wish 2010 Brings You 12 Months of Happiness,52 Weeks of Fun,365 Days of Success,8760 Hours of Good Health, 52600 Minutes of Good Luck and 3153600 Seconds of Joy!
←Rate | 01-01-2010 03:38 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Show me a man that doesn't cheat and I'll show you a woman who minds her own business
←Rate | 03-16-2010 01:39 by @TeeWuu86 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Our FedEx guy keeps delivering diapers & formula but I didn't order any. And he cries when he holds the baby. Weird, huh?
←Rate | 07-14-2012 12:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm allergic to tequila, I break out in handcuffs.
←Rate | 10-25-2012 12:02 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon here lies an athiest all dressed up and no where to go ....epitaph on tombstone....
←Rate | 12-17-2012 12:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm so British that I stick my pinki out when I masturbate
←Rate | 03-19-2015 15:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Man this is a tough supermarket. Sign above the register says "12 items or else".
←Rate | 09-19-2013 11:15 by Huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fact Checkers didn't exist until the truth started to get out.
←Rate | 09-07-2020 11:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think maybe I'll move to Lexington, VA, buy the Red Hen restaurant, and convert it into a Chick-fil-A.
←Rate | 06-29-2018 07:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hillary Clinton was caught telling the truth today.... April Fools!
←Rate | 04-01-2017 17:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Does it make you wonder why the mooslims in congress are so upset we took out a killer
←Rate | 01-04-2020 07:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just bought some of that new Pelosi Vodka at the Liquor Store. It has no proof, either.
←Rate | 10-01-2019 10:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Marijuana IS a gateway drug.. It leads to sweatpants and Cheetos.
←Rate | 03-18-2012 21:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "H3y what r yhu dooinq?" ... About to throw a dictionary at your face.
←Rate | 04-16-2012 22:37 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Call it whatever you want... I'm still calling the Hummer H2, "The Douche Bag Container."
←Rate | 12-09-2011 14:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon why is Betty White singing at halftime of the Super Bowl??
←Rate | 02-05-2012 21:09 by Migasjoe Comments (0)  


   messageicon Get your facts right you big dummy: John F Kennedy was born in May 1917 and passed away in 1963. Do the math correctlyly.
←Rate | 02-13-2012 06:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon anyone else confuse the time with the radio station? sometimes I think I'm running late cause its already 105.9
←Rate | 05-11-2012 01:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just called the police on my GF, not for a crime, I just want them to remind her she has the right to remain silent
←Rate | 08-15-2011 05:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A guy who takes his wife swimming at a shark infested beach when it's that time of the month has a hidden agenda.
←Rate | 08-30-2011 09:51 Comments (0)  




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