Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   “You guys are jerks for eating those living things. You should eat these living things instead.” - Vegetarians

   The term "swag" was invented in the 60s by a group of gay men as an acronym for "Secretly We Are Gay." No wonder Justin Bieber thinks he has so much of it.

   I keep it real like a bad magician.

   FACT: One thing that I have never had in the glove box of my car, is a pair of gloves.

   If you have a tattoo in a language you do not speak or understand, then yes I'm allowed to judge you.

   It’s a little difficult to worry about starving children in Africa when we still have people in America using flip phones.

   Did you know..... President Obama's inaugural parade will feature eight floats, including a Hawaii float to honor his birthplace, an Illinois float to honor the first lady’s home state, and a Kenyan float just to mess with Republicans

   I don't call it "Drinking Coffee" I prefer "Installing Java."

   People, sharing some company's photo to "win" something is a scam. Just like nigerian lotteries, social security and obamacare...

   Dear NASA, thank you for wasting 75 million government dollars to bomb the moon because you THOUGHT you saw "ice"..... I mean really? I think I see ice in a pothole on my block, can I have 200 mortar rounds and a launch tube so I can make sure I'm right?

   PLEASE put this on your status if you know someone who has been eaten by a dragon. Dragons are nearly unstoppable and, in case you didn't know, they can breathe fire. 93% of people won't copy & paste this because they have already been eaten by a dragon..

   Whose going to the republican victory party at midnight?

   On January 25th 2006, Al Gore proclaimed we only had 10 years left to save the planet. Get ready for the end of the world in 23 days. Al Gore said it. It must be true.

   Can we stop with all the stupid religion posts?! So you guys have differing opinions.. GREAT! Take it somewhere else-

   When will Britain learn? They have a wedding, we kill Bin Laden...they have the Olympics, we land on Mars.

   whats the difference between MLK day and ST Patty's day?? --Everyone wants to be Irish on St Pattys day!!

   How does Justin bieber remove a condom after sex??? ... He farts!!!

   So, I'm single again, this time with no intentions of looking for another girl, this time I'm letting her find me.

   Soon it'll be illegal for Americans to have a Confederate flag on the back of their pick-ups. Which will make it harder for aliens to know who to abduct.

   Log off facebook and go to church if you want to pray. Facebook was exclusively invented for spying and stalking purposes.