Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I can't believe America has become Fascist Country.

   Everytime this post is liked, the writer of this post gets kicked in the genitals.

   Tubman to be on the $20, there is your reparations, now shut up.

   Hillary is outraged that Republicans have started shooting potential Democrat voters at zoos

   Robin Thicke and Paula Patton are getting a divorce. I guess what rhymes with hug me is alimony

   The quickest way to a man's heart is to saw through the thoracic cage of ribs and sternum, and then penetrate the pericardium

   Pro death penalty - If you don't value other people's lives, why the hell should they value yours?

   The worst thing about parallel parking are witnesses.

   If a clown farts, does it smell funny?

   While working at the Samaritans I got a call from a fella who said he was going to end it all. He was going to pour a gallon of gas over himself and light a match. I told him "Ahmed its times like these you need your family round you".

   Just took a photo of myself naked. A hundred 'likes' within the next hour, or I'll post it.

   If I hear one more foreigner accusing us of having a "culture of violence" I'm gonna blow their brains out.

   Why is everyone making a big deal out of the lance armstrong thing. It's not like he cheated at a sport or something jeez...

   Does P.Diddy get upset every time he goes to Wendy's and orders the Biggie fries?

   I have a button on my microwave that says stop time. I assume its for the timer but I don't touch it just in case.

   If you invite me for dinner and serve ground turkey tacos,, you may as well turn on some Nickleback and wizz in my Fresca too........

   gonna change my facebook status, but I got high...

   drinking tequila in the shower....09:07 AM

   doesn't believe in superstition. It brings bad luck.

   celebrating black history month by wearing a white cotton t-shirt