Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Racism isn't taught. It's learned. The difference between the 2 is you learn from experience.

   its been proven that 6 out of 7 dwarfs arn't happy

   Monkeys use sex as a way to end an argument....One of my favorite techniques as well

   Broom for sale...needs new motor from overuse. Switching to magic carpet...more comfortable.

   Sometimes God turns you upside down so you can learn to live rightside up.

   If you think things improve with age, attend a class reunion.

   I should run for office I'm tired of peeps getn free rides with 26 inch rims and and dont work

   A boyfriend is someone who, after taking out the trash, gives an impression he just cleaned the entire house.

   Gave my dogs the leftover turkey; now they're asleep beneath me with gas. Dog's ass... Not my idea of Aromatherapy...

   It just dawned on me that Yogi Bear and Boo are just Fred and Barney with fur. (Think about it)

   "I bet if he could do that, he wouldn't be telling me to stop."... thought the Dog.

   may not be the real Santa, but that doesn't mean I haven't seen you while you're sleeping."

   How can October be Breast awareness month? Men notice them all the time!

   I'm a whole new breed of special.

   See, you think I give a sh@t.. Wrong! In fact, while you talk,I'm thinking; How can I give less of a sh@t?that's why I look so interested..

   Dear Hillbilly from AR on the news last night, I am sure that all the dead birds in your town were not from Aliens invading earth, I'm positive that if invaders have the technology to come to Earth and wanted to scare you, throwing birds at you would no

   says it is so cold outside, that even the guy at the gas station had a towel on his head!

   Can everyone who has an iPhone 4 stop talking about it until the rest of the world has them? Thanks.

   Does anyone else find the irony in Sarah Jessica Parker doing those facial cream commercials for a younger looking face?

   ...is hoping that Mel Gibson and Lindsay Lohan find each other...