Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I am like a freaking Hallmark card..I care enough to post the very best!!

   Racism isn't taught. It's learned. The difference between the 2 is you learn from experience.

   its been proven that 6 out of 7 dwarfs arn't happy

   I just love gambling here in Vegas. Sure, I may lose $100,000 but the drinks are free so it evens out

   yes I wet the bed from drinkin to much last night..and cause I wanted her gone by the time I woke up to see how ugly she was

   Justin Bieber the only daughter that Mr. & Mrs. Bieber have?

   I'm alone by choice, but your alone by being yourself!

   When I was 18 I used to worry that I didn't do it enough, now that I'm over 40 I worry I might have to do it.

   I should run for office I'm tired of peeps getn free rides with 26 inch rims and and dont work

   A boyfriend is someone who, after taking out the trash, gives an impression he just cleaned the entire house.

   Gave my dogs the leftover turkey; now they're asleep beneath me with gas. Dog's ass... Not my idea of Aromatherapy...

   It just dawned on me that Yogi Bear and Boo are just Fred and Barney with fur. (Think about it)

   "I bet if he could do that, he wouldn't be telling me to stop."... thought the Dog.

   may not be the real Santa, but that doesn't mean I haven't seen you while you're sleeping."

   bringing Afro's back....this message is sponsored by humidity

   With all that weight loss, 50 Cent looks like one of those crazy people from "I Am Legend"

   definitely thinks you're a tool...just not the right one for the job.

   this status has been blocked by your manditory internet censorship filter for your own good.

   Where there's smoke, the possibility exists I might be cooking...

   behind every good man is a woman and behind her another man stairing at her butt