Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   To America's welfare recipients..."your welcome for a great year and a free Christmas"...from the rest of us hard working Americans that work for hard your well being every day.  

   Baracknophobia: A fear of four more years.

   so Jessie Jackson JR gets a 2 1/2yr sentence and Blago got 14 years...... So can this make up for the Martin Verdict?

   has been watching a lot of these prison shows on TV and is wondering why you never see any midgets in prison? Is it because they get much shorter sentences?. . .

   Obama thinks that $172,000 a year is a modest salary. Scratching my head .....I want a modest salary!!!

   Why dont we have a John Lennon Day? I mean he was all about peace & togetherness......just sayin

   When Air Force One flies on electricity, that's when I'll buy an electric car.

   To my unborn children,relax dad is still trying to figure out the best mum for you.You will not suck a TATOOed breast I promise you

   Earlier, I recieved a chain mail message that said that if I don't forward it to 50 people within 3 hours of reading it, a little dead girl will appear next to my bed at midnight. I haven't sent the message on to anyone. Looks like I'm getting laid tonigh

   The Wife has just just had her teeth whitened, although, to be honest, most of it landed on her chin.

   thinks it is hilarious that the Wall St. protestors hate big corporations, wearing their GAP jeans, taking pictures with their Motorola camera phones, and drinking from Dasani water bottles.

   If I see one more girl create a Facebook profile for her unborn child, I will not hesitate to make a profile as a coat hanger and poke it

   I'm pretty sure the Mayans just got tired of writing that calendar

   sometimes your the windshield; sometimes your the bug.

   Cop: "Sir, what's in the bottle next to you? Me: "It's water" Cop: "Sir, this is wine" Me: "What? Damn Jesus! He always plays this prank on me!"

   never fakes it!

   ( . ,)-(__ --> __)===] So, I just planked on fb. Game over. I win. :)

   Wish I could change my relationship status to "batteries dead" LOL

   Just change the name of my ipod to The Titanic. So whenever I plug it in to my computer it says the titanic is syncing.

   69 - Some may call it nasty but I call it a romantic dinner for 2.