Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Don't worry about the problems in North Korea, besides the destroyer......we've sent the B52's over. They'll surrender once they've listened to Love Shack a few times.

   Free hugs! (Deluxe hugs $2.00)

   You women are beautiful creatures I love you all , but by god you scare the sh*t out of me with the way you feed on souls and happiness.

   If you don’t go down on your girl. Stop being worried if she’s cheating on you or not. She is.

   This joke was sent from the iPhone 5 I'll be buying in a few months using Apple's new 'Time Travel' feature.

   How about they make a film that makes these ppl give us free oil?

   The NFL is the new WWE

   My lawyer friend prefers to be called an attorney...but I still prefer douchebag!

   you remind me of monday. No one likes it either.

   eating mushrooms and chasing white rabbits.

   Breaking News... President Obama travels to India to visit former American jobs...

   HATES IT when he's walking along minding his own business and then trips over his penis

   remembers the days when 'Black Friday' was referred to as 'Colored Friday'

   Not all the men are in the relationships for sex. Some just want a good sandwich and a blow job…

   Today on Maury! Joseph was engaged to Mary-then learned she's pregnant! You won't BELIEVE who she says the Baby Daddy is!

   No, PornHub, I would NOT like to share this video with my friends and family on facebook

   gonna go stand outside. So when someone asks where I am you can tell them.. They're outstanding

   Say this fast- { I, 1, 2, 1/2, 6} *Like* if you get it

   Do you know why rednecks like to "do it" doggy style? So they can both watch NASCAR.

   I hate Indian givers. No wait, I take that back.